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Writing Samples
Band 5

Scientists believe that computer will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it is positive while others think it is a negative development. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#scientists #computer #beings #people #development
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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years, technology has taken much more place in our lives. Scientists developed many intelligent robots to make us live more comfortably. Despite those can be helpful in very variable areas
such
 as housework, daily life and healthcare, I think
that is
 a little considering if computers would become more intelligent than us, human beings.
In
Change preposition
On
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 one hand,
to have
Change the verb form
having
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 a helper, like a robot, in the house to prepare some meals, vacuum the dust,
change
Correct word choice
and change
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 the quality of air, can make
people
 get less tired.
Moreover
, some new technology
had
Unnecessary verb
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developed in medicine can be useful to diagnose lots of diseases in
early
Correct pronoun usage
their early
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 stages which couldn't be defined by educated
people
. So, more intelligent computers can be found positive by some individuals because they have an instinct that
force
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forces
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 them to want to get better and live longer.
On the other hand
, smarter technology can make men and women much more lazy. Especially, lots of students use artificial
intellince
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 for their essays,
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
 and even exams. In some areas, it can be less important,
such
 as literature and architecture.
However
, in medicine, it is not acceptable for sick
people
 who want to get a proper doctor. Maybe, someone can say that they could have a chance to be treated by a computer, but not all
the
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human beings have the same opportunity. Because
of
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the quality of occupations gets lower, some
people
 find that
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of smarter computers
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
 us negatively. In conclusion, I think
that is
 not a positive development to have smarter robots which can improve their own personalities even if it
sound
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sounds
show examples
 fictionary.
Submitted by bloodylady on

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task achievement
Expand on each viewpoint with more detailed examples and explanations to provide a more comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the transitions between ideas. For example, instead of starting with 'In one hand' and 'On the other hand,' you could use more varied and sophisticated transitions.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and clearly outlines the two sides of the debate.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint, providing a clear ending to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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