Worker often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working for as long as they want. What is your opinion about this?
In many countries nowadays, labour laws allow employees to be able to work till they are in their 60s. There is an argument that the government should not limit the
age
of working and allow people
to contribute to their work as long as they can. However
, in a personal aspect, I cannot support such
an idea for a couple of reasons in the below essay.
First and foremost, people
who are over their 60s are considered elderly adults, and should not be assigned to many heavy tasks like other employees. For example
, some professions may require physical strength like builders or factory workers and they are not fit for such
people
at the age
of 60 anymore. Furthermore
, employee health should also
be considered for these people
as there are many sicknesses that might affect the work results. Thus
, employers these days prefer junior and experienced workers over older ones to avoid many issues for their company.
Secondly
, the expansion in labour
Correct article usage
the labour
age
will also
bring many challenges for younger people
on the subject of job
opportunities. For instance
, as the world has suffered from a financial crisis in recent years, more and more people
are losing their jobs due to
businesses closing. As a result
, career opportunities are dropping dramatically and unemployed people
are fighting for a decent job
to afford for their family as well as
their personal spending. Therefore
, keeping the senior members at job
will Add an article
a job
the job
also
create a hindrance to society's growth and limit the chance of young people
who first time looking for a job
after their graduation.
In conclusion, although
the idea of keeping people
at the
Correct article usage
a
job
after their retirement age
is a good idea that provides chances and opportunities for elder people
, it should not be supported due to
the many results it might cause to the younger generation. It is suggested that the government should increase the benefits of the pension systems as well as
the social insurance systems to support the elders while
maintain
the balance of the working Change the verb form
maintaining
age
.Submitted by xbinh91 on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, it can be improved by splitting the ideas within body paragraphs into smaller, more digestible parts. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the points you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This helps set the stage for your argument and makes your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Some of your ideas are clear but would be stronger with more specific examples and further elaboration on key points. This will make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Try to make your conclusion more impactful by summarizing your main points more succinctly and powerfully. This will leave a lasting impression on the reader and reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the topic and providing relevant arguments against extending the retirement age.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as illustrating the impact on job opportunities for younger people and the physical strain on elderly workers, which help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly organized your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your ideas logically.
coherence cohesion
Your language use is good, and you manage to convey your points with general clarity.
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