Worker often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working for as long as they want. What is your opinion about this?

In many countries nowadays, labour laws allow employees to be able to work till they are in their 60s. There is an argument that the government should not limit the
age
of working and allow
people
to contribute to their work as long as they can.
However
, in a personal aspect, I cannot support
such
an idea for a couple of reasons in the below essay. First and foremost,
people
who are over their 60s are considered elderly adults, and should not be assigned to many heavy tasks like other employees.
For example
, some professions may require physical strength like builders or factory workers and they are not fit for
such
people
at the
age
of 60 anymore.
Furthermore
, employee health should
also
be considered for these
people
as there are many sicknesses that might affect the work results.
Thus
, employers these days prefer junior and experienced workers over older ones to avoid many issues for their company.
Secondly
, the expansion in
labour
Correct article usage
the labour
show examples
age
will
also
bring many challenges for younger
people
on the subject of
job
opportunities.
For instance
, as the world has suffered from a financial crisis in recent years, more and more
people
are losing their jobs
due to
businesses closing.
As a result
, career opportunities are dropping dramatically and unemployed
people
are fighting for a decent
job
to afford for their family
as well as
their personal spending.
Therefore
, keeping the senior members at
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
will
also
create a hindrance to society's growth and limit the chance of young
people
who first time looking for a
job
after their graduation. In conclusion,
although
the idea of keeping
people
at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job
after their retirement
age
is a good idea that provides chances and opportunities for elder
people
, it should not be supported
due to
the many results it might cause to the younger generation. It is suggested that the government should increase the benefits of the pension systems
as well as
the social insurance systems to support the elders
while
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
the balance of the working
age
.
Submitted by xbinh91 on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, it can be improved by splitting the ideas within body paragraphs into smaller, more digestible parts. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the points you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This helps set the stage for your argument and makes your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Some of your ideas are clear but would be stronger with more specific examples and further elaboration on key points. This will make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Try to make your conclusion more impactful by summarizing your main points more succinctly and powerfully. This will leave a lasting impression on the reader and reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the topic and providing relevant arguments against extending the retirement age.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as illustrating the impact on job opportunities for younger people and the physical strain on elderly workers, which help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly organized your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your ideas logically.
coherence cohesion
Your language use is good, and you manage to convey your points with general clarity.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • social security
  • life expectancy
  • mental and physical well-being
  • active and engaged
  • mentorship
  • knowledge transfer
  • job opportunities
  • workforce
  • physical strength
  • workplace safety
  • healthcare costs
  • accommodation
  • financial strain
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