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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#trips #children #country #travel #school #modes #transport #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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TThe bar chart illustrators the amount of trips by kids
in particular
Linking Words
 country in 1990 and 2010 from different modes for
transport
Use synonyms
 to travel to and from school .
Overall
Linking Words
 , in 1990 walking was the most favoured mode of
transport
Use synonyms
 followed by the
bus
Use synonyms
 , cycling , walking and
bus
Use synonyms
 , and
car
Use synonyms
passenger
Use synonyms
 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , in 2010 the most favoured mode of
transport
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
the car
show examples
passenger
Use synonyms
 followed by walking ,
bus
Use synonyms
 , walking and
bus
Use synonyms
 and cycling . in 1990 , most kids used walking as the mode of
transport
Use synonyms
 to school with about 12
million
Use synonyms
 trips recorded ,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
car
Use synonyms
passenger
Use synonyms
 were the lowest at
slighlty
Correct your spelling
slightly
 over 4
million
Use synonyms
 people ,
however
Linking Words
 in 2010 the number of
car
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
 increased noticeably to about 11
million
Use synonyms
 people as travel to and from school ,
in addition
Linking Words
 , cycling
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the lowest with 2
million
Use synonyms
 trips recorded ,
furthermore
Linking Words
 , walking , cycling , walking and
bus
Use synonyms
 , and
Use synonyms
bus
Add an article
the bus
a bus
show examples
 has dramatically
deacreased
Correct your spelling
decreased
 compared to 1990.
Submitted by saeedseheim on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words transport, bus, car, passenger, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trips
  • children
  • modes of transport
  • walk
  • cycle
  • public transport
  • drive
  • car
  • trends
  • decrease
  • increase
  • shift
  • convenient
  • comfortable
  • commuting
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • significant
  • indicate
  • reasons
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • 20-year period
  • doubled
  • considerable margin
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