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Band 4.5

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from an academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressure #perspective #pressures #measures
The debate of how many pressures aspects young generation has to deal with nowadays. Has become a major concern in today's world.
This
 essay will discuss the primary causes of
this
 problem and suggest some potential solutions to address it. There are many causes in a variety of ways that could impact children in today's world.
Such
 as academic
pressure
 and social life,
also
 a commercial perspective. All of these can put huge
pressure
 on
kids
.
This
 can
resulted
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in many problems, like isolation, depression, and high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of stress.
Therefore
 it could lead to physical illness.
Such
 as heat diseases and obesity.
For example
, a recent government survey found that 68% of children have depression and anxiety
due to
 all kinds of pressures that they experience today. To address these issues. One effective solution could be a government-led awareness campaign on social media and
schools
Change preposition
in schools
show examples
. To educate both parents and
kids
 about the potential risks of
pressure
.
In addition
, parents should help their
kids
 and talk to them so they can express their feelings.
Moreover
, planning physical activities
such
 as running or swimming for children to relieve stress.
For instance
, a similar action in Japan resulted in a 49% decrease in
pressure
. these solutions can actually help our
kids
 manage their stress in a better way. In conclusion, schools and social life alongside with commercial. Can be a huge
pressure
 on
kids
.
However
, it can be tackled through educating people about the dangers of these aspects.
Submitted by reem.rz112 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Ensure each paragraph naturally transitions into the next and that the ideas are connected coherently.
task achievement
Expand and elaborate on your main points with more concrete examples and specific details. This will help in making your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Refine your introduction and conclusion. Make sure the introduction clearly outlines what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while providing a final perspective.
task achievement
The essay addresses the given topic and discusses both the causes of pressures on children and potential solutions, demonstrating an understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively wraps up the discussion and reiterates the main points.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic competition
  • globalized economy
  • rigorous testing
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • comparisons
  • aggressive marketing tactics
  • culture of consumerism
  • parental expectations
  • standardized testing
  • holistic approaches
  • life skills
  • creative subjects
  • digital literacy
  • critical thinking
  • social media pressures
  • supportive environments
  • regulating advertising
  • consumerism
  • material possessions
  • values of contentment and self-worth
  • open channels of communication
  • mental health education
  • readily available resources
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