IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Advertising has become an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion.

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Nowadays, publicity campaigns are on
a
Correct article usage
the
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 rise. The retailers put the
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
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 of their
products
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 on newsletters, hoardings and social media.
However
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,
this
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 approach has its own pros and cons.
Therefore
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, I am holding a partial viewpoint on
this
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. The points to support my stance are elaborated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, those who
opines
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opine
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 that it has a positive impact on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
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 that it brings economic prosperity. In fact, both advertisers and advertising agencies gain profits because companies showcase their
hot selling
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hot-selling
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products
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 through
adds
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ads
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 to attract
customers
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 and they pay handsome money to the
people
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, who
designs
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design
show examples
 and put up advertisements.
Thus
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,
this
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activity
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 is economically positive for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sides. Adding more to it, it attract more
buyers
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 and
giving
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gives
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 an opportunity to the manufacturers to grow their businesses. As a matter of fact, adverts showing discounts on
products
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 attract
buyers
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 and it enables the companies to make more profits.
For example
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, it has been seen that during
onlines
Correct your spelling
online
 sales on Amazon and Flipkart, millions of
customers
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 buy various
products
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 because of lucrative offers and these retail
gaints
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giants
gains
 make heavy profits.
Hence
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,
this
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activity
Use synonyms
 can be used to grow businesses.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who oppose publicity drives
argues
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argue
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 that it plays with
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customers
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customers'
customer's
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mind
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minds
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 to buy useless
products
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. In many cases,
buyers
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 usually purchase items that they don't even need, they do it because they
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 seen an
add
Correct your spelling
ad
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 showcasing that product. To illustrate, in Delhi a young boy bought a PS 6 from a sale without telling his parents.
Therefore
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,
this
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activity
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 plays with
people
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's psychology, which indeed is wrong.
Moreover
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,
this
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activity
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 can put
customers
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under
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in
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financial
Correct article usage
a financial
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 crisis. It has been seen that most of the
times
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time
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buyers
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got
Verb problem
are
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attractive
Replace the word
attracted
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 to the lucrative discounts offered and they tend to buy more
products
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 than
the
Correct your spelling
they
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actual
Change the word
actually
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 need.
Thus
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,
people
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 should not fall
in
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into
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trap
Add an article
the trap
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 of publicity campaigns.
To sum up
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, advertisement has its own positive and negative sides, it depends upon
customers
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, whether, they use it in
a
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the
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 right way,or in
a
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the
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 wrong way.

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grammar
Check grammar and spelling to fix minor errors (e.g., 'opines' should be 'opine', 'PS 6' should be 'PS5').
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph sticks to one main idea to improve coherence. For example, discussing economic benefits and customer psychology separately would make your argument clearer.
conclusion
Include a more detailed conclusion that summarizes your main points and clearly states your opinion.
balance
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects of advertising.
examples
Good use of specific examples like Amazon and Flipkart sales to support claims.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • manipulative tactics
  • brand loyalty
  • target audience
  • consumer awareness
  • economic impact
  • social issues
  • materialism
  • persuasive techniques
  • unrealistic expectations
  • mental health
  • consumer spending
  • brand image
  • societal values
  • awareness campaigns
What to do next:
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