IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year.

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year.
#line #show #information #crime #uk #year
The given line graph and pie chart represent the data about
crime
 rate related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
age
 and types of
crime
 committed in the United Kingdom
last
 year, respectively.
Overall
, it can be clearly observed that
adolescences
Replace the word
adolescents
show examples
 and young adults
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 prominent figures rate of crimes,
whereas
 that of the
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 people
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 between 30s-60s was far more relatively low as they aged.
However
, it is interesting to note that
major
Correct article usage
the major
show examples
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
 founded in Britain was violence.
To begin
 with, a closer look at the line graph showing
relationship
Add an article
the relationship
a relationship
show examples
 between
age
 and
crime
 reported that British teenagers at the
age
 of 16 to 24 demonstrated with highest jump
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
crime
 statistics among other ages in a range of 60,000-
80,000
Change preposition
to 80,000
show examples
 cases. Surprisingly, the youngest
crime
 committer
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
age
 of 12 doing bad things at 5,000 cases,
whereas
 those who
age
 of 20 reach
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak at 80,000 cases. In regard to types of
crime
 committed, it is noticeable that violent
crime
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for the largest proportion at 46%. Followed by property and
drug related
Add a hyphen
drug-related
show examples
crime
 at
a similar figures
Correct the article-noun agreement
a similar figure
similar figures
show examples
 at 23% and 22%, respectively.
Additionally
, the public order
crime
 was the fewest at 9%.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words crime, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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