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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #governments #money #life #planets #waste #earth
First of
all
Add a comma
all,
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 there are divided opinions about life existing out of our solar system
furthermore
 deep
space
 exploration is one part of
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 growth that drives the growth of the country in terms of education,
space
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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, astronomy etc.
Moreover
 looking for life in
space
also
 provides us with the opportunity to look for other aspects of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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space
 which
relates
Correct subject-verb agreement
relate
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 to
creation
Add an article
the creation
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 of the stars, solar systems and the destruction of the planets, solar system galaxy etc.
Due to
 national interest in these types of programs countries invest more and more budget in these
type
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types
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 of explorations and always want to be
in
Change preposition
at
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 the top when it comes to
space
 exploration.
For
instance
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instance,
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 some people
also
 believe that there already exists a lot of problems on earth which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 related to
greenhouse
Add an article
the greenhouse
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 effect, deforestation, diseases, poverty etc.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 people want to solve these kinds of
problem
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problems
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 that
exists
Change the verb form
exist
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 with the same budget
that is
 allocated to
space
 programs
for example
 when looking at the melting of the glaciers in the north and south pole region we can identify not just patterns but
also
 we can have multiple solutions
as a result
 of
this
 we can stop the melting of the glaciers. The number of
space
 exploration
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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 conducted by various countries
till
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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date has left a lot of
space
 debris in the outer orbit of the earth which
also
 endangers the living organisms of the earth.
Besides
 a plethora of opinions of the
people
Add a comma
people,
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 we should keep exploring the part of the unknown which may give us the advantage or upper hand in that field to stay ahead of others.
Submitted by debasistripathy.india on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction could be clearer, and the essay should have a conclusion. Consider starting with a clearer statement of the issue and your overall stance.
logical structure
Try to structure your essay in a way that makes it easier to follow. Using paragraphs to separate different points will help improve the logical structure.
supported main points
Ensure all main points are clearly supported with specific examples or evidence. This will help strengthen your argument.
relevant specific examples
Use more specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points. For instance, citing specific space missions and their benefits could add more weight to your argument.
complete response
You addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are relevant to the topic and comprehensive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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