Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
Being a renowned public figure, like a movie actor or a sports personality has its own advantages and disadvantages.
However
, I believe that the problems caused by being in the public eye at all times has
a detrimental effect on the mental health of these individuals, which Change the verb form
have
surpass
the Correct subject-verb agreement
surpasses
benefits
of the previlage
.
Having a celebrity status has many Correct your spelling
privilege
benefits
, such
as getting prioirty
treatment in every place they go, and getting to live a luxurious Correct your spelling
priority
life
. Moreover
, due to
a wide reach amongst all kinds of audience
, they hold the Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
capabilty
to influence people and bring Correct your spelling
capability
a
positive change in Correct article usage
apply
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, few
months back there were floods in Uttrakhand which caused severe damage, and there was a desperate need for funds. As soon as a famous choreographer, Raghav JuyalChange the article
a few
,
started posting about it to spread awareness and Remove the comma
apply
motivated
people to donate whatever they could, the relief organisation collected the necessary funds in the next 48 hours.
Change the form of the verb
motivate
However
in recent times, due to
an increase in the papparazi
culture, being a celebrity is not an easy job, as it serves your private Correct your spelling
paparazzi
life
on public display, open for judgement
. Correct your spelling
judgment
Futhermore
, the situation is worsened by online trolling. We see so many interviews and articles, where actresses have mentioned getting rape and death threats because of the clothes they wear. Having to deal with Correct your spelling
Furthermore
such
stressful and scary situations on daily
basis Correct article usage
a daily
effects
the Correct your spelling
affects
pyschology
of a person deeply.
Correct your spelling
psychology
Therefore
, I believe that being a celebrity brings more problems than benefits
. For instance
, a famous Indian actress, Ananya Pandey has openly spoken about her depression, where she mentions that the main reason were
the online trolls, who Change the verb form
was
wouldnt
leave her alone no matter what she did. In my opinion, if one is depressed, a luxurious Correct your spelling
wouldn't
life
can not help them
live a happy Correct pronoun usage
one
life
.
In conclusion, good mental health is a fundamental requirement of every individual’s life
, and if anything jeprodises
that, it cannot be worth any other Correct your spelling
jeopardises
promises
benefits
it might be able to offer.Submitted by khushichhillar on
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task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the task comprehensively. For instance, you could discuss more about the balance between the benefits and problems faced by celebrities to show a well-rounded view.
task achievement
Work on achieving clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Some parts of the essay could benefit from expansion or additional examples.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure, make sure all paragraphs flow seamlessly. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Check for minor typographical and grammatical errors to improve clarity. For example, 'prioirty' should be 'priority', and 'previlage' should be 'privilege'.
task achievement
You provided relevant specific examples, such as the incident involving the famous choreographer Raghav Juyal, which strengthens the task response.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, which help in providing a complete and rounded essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite