in some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Working is an It is an essential thing in our lives. It is certainly true that
kids
can achieve the best if they work
hard. However
, not all the effects of this
innovation have been positive, although
there are surely some advantages.
There are several drawbacks to telling kids
to Work
hard. Exposing children in
difficult Change preposition
to
Work
can lead them to the potential of disappointment, thereby, kids
can't be empowered to work
hard again. For example
, the result of conducted research illustrates that the race of kids
who do their best, then
face unrealistic expectations are suffered from anxiety and pressure. As a result
, this
could affect the belief that they on their health. Moreover
, can achieve anything while
Working hard which will make them believe only Working
hard, and ignoring other factors that help them to arrive at the Change preposition
in Working
sucseed
Correct your spelling
succeed
such
as luck, talent and opportunity.
In spite of these negative aspects, however
, believing in the power of hard work
boosts the
Correct article usage
apply
self confidence
.Add a hyphen
self-confidence
Kids
encourage
to develop and improve themself. Wrong verb form
are encouraged
for instance
, in some private school
, students who are required to Fix the agreement mistake
schools
work
hard more
than others, students perform better than their classmates. Replace the word
harder
Thus
, they can innovate and create wisely. Furthermore
, if children used to work
hard, they will probably be an
independent people. They may face any issue and solve it by themself like Correct article usage
apply
while
travelling, cleaning •So, they Cooking. their problems. have the responsibility to carry or
In conclusion, working hard for children might have both advantages and disadvantages. parents have a vital role in supporting their kids
to be able to face any issue.Submitted by 13570581 on
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coherence cohesion
Revise the introduction to be clearer and more directly related to the topic. The current introduction is too general and mentions 'innovation,' which doesn't fit well with the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure of your essay by organizing it into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should cover one main idea.
task achievement
Ensure each point you make is fully answered and elaborated. Right now, some ideas are mentioned but not fully explored.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your arguments more effectively. The examples given are too general and not well-explained.
task achievement
Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Improving grammar and phrasing will make your ideas clearer.
task achievement
You've correctly identified both advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion appropriately summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...