IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #competition #work #school #life
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Some
people
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 opine that competing with others in jobs, learning, and life is a great way
for improving
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to improve
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.
However
Linking Words
, others state that collaboration is much more important than contest. In my view, both of them are quite vital in our society, and neither one is better than the other. I will give my opinion in the following paragraphs. To start with, by joining competitions, pupils learn how to be stronger, smarter, more knowledgeable, and so on because they all want to be the champion.
As a result
Linking Words
, those matches motivate students to pursue a greater performance.
For example
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, some educators award those who behave well in classes. Learners who want to win the
honor
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honour
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 will try their best to get that. Not everyone can be the best one, but learning from contesting is a very useful incentive. Learning cooperation skills is essential in our lives. Unless you are a hermit, you have to work with other
people
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. We will see a variety of
people
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 in the world
through
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throughout
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 our lives. Facing them, you will know how to cope with them, work as a team, build up connections, and so forth. Relationship management is a subject we all need to learn because human beings are not solitary animals. We have to live together and we can not do all the
stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 on our own. In a nutshell,
people
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 need to compete with their rivals in order to make progress. We
also
Linking Words
 need to work side by side, because it is good for solving difficult tasks. If you want to do it by yourself, it will be time-consuming and you might struggle
in
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with
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 it.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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coherence
You provided a well-organized essay with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that every paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed.
task response
Strengthen your arguments by providing more specific examples and detailed explanations for each point you make.
coherence
Improve the cohesiveness by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to clearly indicate the relationships between your ideas.
task response
Your essay does a good job of presenting both sides of the argument in a balanced manner.
coherence
The structure of your essay, including the clear introduction and conclusion, helps the reader follow your ideas easily.
task response
You make a good attempt at explaining why both competition and cooperation are important, showing a thoughtful approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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