IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Althought certain individuals blieve that specialists , sush as doctors or engireers must obliged to work in the state who provide them training due to the act that this country have to Benefit From ,a Fully agree that every person has the right to work wherever they want .

#althought #individuals #blieve #specialists #sush #doctors #engireers #work #act #country #benefit #person #right
Although
 certain individuals believe that specialists,
such
 as doctors or engineers, must obliged to
work
 in the states
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 provide them training,
due to
 the fact that
this
country
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 to benefit from them, I fully agree that every person has the right to
work
 wherever they want. On the one hand, professors should
work
 in the place that gives them the
education
 they need, as a sign of returning the favor. When a
country
 trains a specialist, that means providing them with
education
. The letter
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 money, as
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are tutors
must
Correct pronoun usage
who must
show examples
 be paid every month, and research needs to be done.
As a result
,
this
 nation must benefit from that person,
such
 as helping patients if they are doctors, or building houses if they are engineers. So, to stop
this
 phenomenon in Morocco, the government
adopts
Wrong verb form
has adopted
show examples
 a law that prevents any doctor from immigration unless they
work
 in the
country
's service for at least 4 years from their graduation.
On the other hand
, I agree that citizens are free to choose their working
country
. When the state can't provide their people
good
Change preposition
with good
show examples
life
 conditions,
such
 as
education
, health, or even a good salary to live from, when the
country
 is full of corruption, it has no right to obligate
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 professionals to stay in it because every person in the world has a right to look for a better
life
.
A recent
Remove the article
Recent
show examples
 research
conducts
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 that there is a reverse correlation between immigration and the
country
's
life
-conditional degree. As much as the nation has good
life
 conditions, the immigration percentage decreases respectively. In conclusion,
while
 some people think that specialists should
work
 in the
country
 where they did their
education
 as the argument of the
country
 should benefit from them, I believe that every human must choose
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 in the
country
 who think it can give them
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
.
Submitted by habal.oumaima on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Improve grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. Consider revising complex sentences to avoid errors and ensure clarity.
task response
Support main arguments with more detailed and specific examples to enhance the overall quality of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain a logical flow and enhance readability.
task response
Clear stance and opinion presented in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are clearly presented and contribute to the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: