Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

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Leisure

Use synonyms

activities

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are important in human life; since our

brain

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cannot operate 100% under stress conditions. In fact, our

brain

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will grow if we give some

time

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to rest after we learn or put some information in it. Especially, Children will be very sensitive to

Linking Words

this kind

Fix the agreement mistake

these kinds

show examples

of things;

hence

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their

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brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

show examples

are growing rapidly

Change preposition

show examples

these ages. Personally, I am certain youngsters need a break without education;

hence

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education will put burdens on the

brain

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. Yet, some people believe that children’s

leisure

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activities

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must be educational,

otherwise

Linking Words

they are a complete waste of

time

Use synonyms

Firstly

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, our

Use synonyms

brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

show examples

are not machines;

therefore

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, resting is

also

Linking Words

part of our

developments

Fix the agreement mistake

development

show examples

. Actually,

leisure

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activities

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without any

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

are the best

time

Use synonyms

for

Use synonyms

brain

Add an article

the brain

show examples

to grow.

Moreover

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, children need those things the most. Many people would argue that giving their children a break

time

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. They might claim that resting without learning is

waste

Correct article usage

a waste

show examples

time

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To begin

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with, based on research in 2020

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

show

Correct subject-verb agreement

shows

show examples

Correct word choice

that 80

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% of

young

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the young

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generation will have

higher

Correct article usage

a higher

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IQ or

intelligent

Replace the word

intelligence

show examples

than

averages

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average

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if they have much rest after learning.

Moreover

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, they are calmer to face problems that occur.

On the other hand

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, some parents will yell and

angry

Add a missing verb

be angry

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

their

beloved

Correct your spelling

loved

show examples

one

Fix the agreement mistake

ones

show examples

if they are slacking off. In conclusion, I believe that children’s

leisure

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activities

Use synonyms

must be free from

educational

Replace the word

education

show examples

;

hence

Linking Words

their brains will grow faster too. Whilst

educations

Fix the agreement mistake

education

show examples

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

important, we cannot force it on them

any

Change preposition

at any

show examples

time

Use synonyms

. Remember, they are

human

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humans

show examples

not robots.

riani.the2Fri Aug 30 2024

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task achievement

Your essay currently expresses a clear stance on the topic and provides some reasonable arguments. However, the task achievement score could be increased by better developing these arguments and providing more specific examples that substantiate your points.

task achievement

Work on simplifying and clarifying your ideas for better comprehensibility. Some sentences are complex and can be broken down for better readability. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.

coherence cohesion

The essay can improve its logical structure by ensuring that there is a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and that each paragraph logically follows the one before it. Try to avoid repetition and stay focused on the main point of each paragraph.

coherence cohesion

Conclude each main point effectively before moving to the next. More connective words and phrases can help the flow of your ideas, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'However,' to show contrast or addition of ideas.

task achievement

Your introduction provides a clear background about the essential nature of leisure activities and expresses your viewpoint clearly.

coherence cohesion

The essay maintains a consistent viewpoint throughout, arguing against the necessity of educational leisure activities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

5.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

5.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

248 words

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Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think it's better to choose friends who always have the same opinions as them. Other people believe it's good to have friends who sometimes disagree with them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a number of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children. Do you agree or disagree?

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and tradition methods of food preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians . Other believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.