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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The following graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
subscribers
Use synonyms
 in Marysville from 1995 to 2015. It is evident that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
subscribers
Use synonyms
 of both genders has significantly increased. In 1995, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
subscribers
Use synonyms
 was more than
men
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 600
women
Use synonyms
 had
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 subscriptions, only 500
men
Use synonyms
 had subscribed. Both genders showed a steady increase till 2005, when the
number
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 of
women
Use synonyms
 who had
cell
Use synonyms
phone
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 subscriptions started to decrease and the
number
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 of
men
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 remained at a constant value. The
number
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 of
women
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subscribers
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 in the year 2010 started to remain constant
while
Linking Words
men
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 started to increase. In the end,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to 1995, the
number
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 of
men
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more than
women
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 only 2250
women
Use synonyms
 had
cell
Use synonyms
phone
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 subscriptions,
men
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 had 2750
subscribers
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, which was 500
subscribers
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 more than
women
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though both genders showed a significant increase in the
number
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 of
subscribers
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,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to 1995
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when
women
Use synonyms
 had more
subscribers
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,
men
Use synonyms
 had more
subscribers
Use synonyms
 in 2015.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, cell, phone, subscribers, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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