IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that in a city, the best way to travel is by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of travelling in a city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #city #travel #car #bicycles
Travelling is one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
activity that
people
 can commit to
their
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in their
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 leisure time. Several
people
 believe
to have
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in having
show examples
 good travel In the city, they can
used
Change the verb form
use
show examples
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
,
whereas
 a few
people
 argue that
bycycles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
 are a good way, to have travelling.
However
, it is better to
have
Verb problem
travel
show examples
 travelling
used
Correct article usage
a used
show examples
car
, for the following reasons There are several reasons for a few
people
 to argue that
bycycles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
 are a good way to have travelling. First of all, there are
people
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
bycycles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
 to go
work
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to work
show examples
 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can make our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 healthy.
However
,
while
 we
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
bycycles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
 to
travelling
Wrong verb form
travel
show examples
 It can
need
Verb problem
take
show examples
 more time to arrive destination.
Furthermore
,
bycycles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
Is
Correct subject-verb agreement
Are
show examples
 less
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
while
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 we use to go around because there are some bad
people
 like pickpockets or
robber
Fix the agreement mistake
robbers
show examples
can
Correct pronoun usage
who can
show examples
endangerous
Correct your spelling
endangers
 our safety. In spite of the above argument, I support the view that it is better to have travelling with
car
. Travelling
with
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by
show examples
car
 is more convenient than
used
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
bycycles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
.
Car
Correct article usage
A car
show examples
 is one of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 vehicles and it is usually used by
people
 to
have travelling
Verb problem
travel
show examples
.
In around
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Around
show examples
 the world.
That
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Vehicles can carry
a
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apply
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some
people
 and a lot many things in
bagage
Correct your spelling
baggage
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
car
.
For Instance
,
while
 we have
travel
Change the verb form
traveled
show examples
 to other arty we can carry a lot of items we
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
.
In
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On
show examples
 the
road
Add a comma
road,
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 we do not sweat because in the
car
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 air
condition
Wrong verb form
conditioning
show examples
 and it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us feel comfortable. And we can
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rest in the
car
while
 we
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 tired on the way. Travelling
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
car
 efficient
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on the road than
bycycles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
.
In addition
,
car
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
 is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
safety than
bycycles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
while
 we have
travel
Fix the infinitive
to travel
show examples
 in the city In conclusion,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
car
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is better than travelling
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
bycycles
Correct your spelling
bicycle
 because it
is make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us feel
comportable
Correct your spelling
comfortable
 because we can carry many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
things with us.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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task response
Your response addresses both views of the topic, but it lacks depth and some critical details. To improve your score, make sure to discuss each perspective thoroughly. Add more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally cohesive, but the flow of ideas can be improved. Ensure your ideas are logically connected. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. For example, words like 'Firstly', 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', etc. can help in organizing your points better.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by detailed evidence. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single point, and that point is well-developed before moving on to the next one.
task response
Try to be more precise and detailed when introducing examples. Your current examples are a bit vague. For instance, clearly specify how cars provide convenience in various situations and more real-life examples where bicycles might be advantageous despite their limitations.
task response
You have made an effort to discuss both perspectives, which is good for addressing the task.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, giving your essay a solid framework.
task response
You have touched on several key points that are relevant to the topic, such as health benefits and safety concerns.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • pollution
  • maintenance
  • eco-friendly
  • infrastructure
  • physical health
  • suitable
  • weather conditions
  • traffic
  • repair costs
  • cycling infrastructure
  • fuel costs
  • carrying heavy loads
  • physical limitations
What to do next:
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