IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is too difficult for poor people or people from rural areas to go to university. So that the universities should make it especially easy for them. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Many believe that going to
university
Use synonyms
 is not enough for
unwhealthy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
 individuals or people from villages.
Therefore
Linking Words
 they think the
universities
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 should provide them
better
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with better
show examples
 conditions. I think
universities
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 should provide better opportunities for
students
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 who do have not sufficient resources or come from rural places,
such
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 as scholarships or accommodation. Whether the
university
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 is private or not, the biggest challenge of studying is money. When learners do not have a good income whether from a job or from family, they can stuck
into
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in
show examples
 a huge city.
While
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 even fundamental needs are very expensive, they will have difficulties fulfilling their needs
such
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 as eating, socializing with friends and having stunning study conditions.
Therefore
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,
universities
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 should provide some special opportunities for them,
such
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 as scholarships or monthly grants.
Students
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' lives will dramatically change when a scholarship is provided.
For instance
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, I have a friend who got a scholarship from his college, he was easily able to live a
university
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 life in İstanbul which is an extravagant to live.
Moreover
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, accommodation is always a heated issue , especially
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 big cities.
While
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 house rents are overpriced,
students
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 can not afford prices.
Therefore
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universities
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 should provide
to
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apply
show examples
students
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,
dormitory
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with dormitory
show examples
 options. Dormitories are always cheaper than houses,
additionally
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 staying
dormitary
Correct your spelling
dormitory
 is a good method to find new friends and get to know a new city.
For example
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, in my
Use synonyms
university
Add a comma
university,
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 there were many
students
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 who stayed in dormitories, and their friend environment was really extended. In conclusion, education is crucial for our modern life, do not having sufficient income should not decide whether a student can go to
university
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 or not.
Therefore
Linking Words
universities
Use synonyms
 should give every student, equal study rights, with the support of money and accommodation.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point related to the topic and follow a logical progression of ideas. Consider using transitional phrases and sentences to improve the flow and coherence between paragraphs.
task achievement
Work on providing more comprehensive ideas and specific examples that strengthen your arguments. This can help in creating a stronger task response. When discussing scholarships, for example, you might mention different types of financial aid or how they can impact students' success.
coherence cohesion
Carefully proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, the line "Therefore universities should provide to students, dormitory options" can be revised to "Therefore, universities should offer dormitory options to their students."
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic effectively and offers a complete response, touching on both financial support and accommodation. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the argument made in the essay. This helps to give a sense of closure and completeness to the essay.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the friend who received a scholarship, adds a personal touch and makes the argument more relatable and convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • barriers
  • limited access
  • financial constraints
  • equality and diversity
  • comprehensive approaches
  • scholarships
  • mentorship programs
  • academic support
  • root causes
  • maintaining academic standards
  • fairness
  • merit-based
  • inclusive higher education system
  • social and economic benefits
  • dynamism
  • innovation
  • tailored support
  • admission criteria
  • inclusive approach
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