Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large numbers of toys.

#parents #children #toys #child #numbers

Some

parents

give their

children

lof

Correct your spelling

lot

show examples

toys

, so they can play with

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

. It is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

common thing that

children

always play with their

toys

and it can

distracts

Change the verb form

distract

show examples

the child from

Add an article

the gadget

a gadget

show examples

gadget

Fix the agreement mistake

gadgets

show examples

. The advantage

Change preposition

show examples

buying many

toys

for

children

is can help

children

to stimulates

Verb problem

stimulate

show examples

their

brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

show examples

On the other hand

, the disadvantage is having a bad impact

for

Change preposition

show examples

their social

interactions

Change the noun form

interaction

show examples

development. First things

first,

toys

help

children

accelarate

Correct your spelling

accelerate

their brain development. By using the

toys

children

can try to solve their

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

For example

, I have a cousin around 5 years old, his

parents

give him some

legos

Capitalize word

Legos

show examples

to solve. By playing

lego

Fix the agreement mistake

legos

show examples

, he will try to construct and think hard

how

Change preposition

about how

show examples

to make the legos

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

stand

Change preposition

show examples

the right position. It indicates that

toys

have a significant role

for

Change preposition

show examples

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

development and growth. On the flip

sides

Fix the agreement mistake

side

show examples

, spending much time with

toys

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

not always good. They will tend to choose their

toys

over their family and friends.

For instance

, still with the same case, my cousin will

angry

Add a missing verb

be angry

show examples

if their

parents

are

Verb problem

show examples

not

buying

Wrong verb form

buy

show examples

them a new toy.

In other words

, they have been too attached

with

Change preposition

show examples

toys

. Not only that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

they become individualist or do not want to share their

toys

with their relatives. Obviously, it is a negative impact that the

parents

do not hope. To summarise, buying

toys

for

children

has two sides, the good and bad. It

can

Rephrase

cannot

show examples

be denied that

toys

are good for

build

Change the verb form

building

show examples

brain behaviour.

Nevertheless

, the

parents

must be aware of the negative impacts. I highly suggest to

parents

to give

toys

in sufficient numbers or not too much. So, the child can separate time to play with them and their friends.

Submitted by wishmeluck on Sat Aug 31 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to fully develop your ideas with more examples and details to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness. You could elaborate further on how toys help brain development or provide more specific instances of negative social impacts.

coherence cohesion

Work on the logical flow and organization of your essay. Linking words like 'while,' 'however,' and 'therefore' can help improve transitions between ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion can be stronger. The essay should start with a broader background before narrowing down to the specific topic. Similarly, the conclusion should summarize the main points and provide a closing thought.

task achievement

Avoid minor grammatical and spelling mistakes, such as 'accelerate' instead of 'accelarate' and 'individualistic' instead of 'individualist.' These small errors can detract from the clarity of your ideas.

task achievement

You have effectively addressed both advantages and disadvantages of having a large number of toys, which shows a balanced perspective.

coherence cohesion

The essay stays on topic and follows a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

Good use of a personal example related to your cousin, which adds relevance to your points.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

292 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

stimulate creativity
imagination
fine and gross motor skills
hand-eye coordination
overwhelmed
focus
value
appreciation
neglect
consumerism
materialism
meaningful activities
interactions

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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large numbers of toys.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

students should pay their full university fees themselves Do you agree or disagree?

Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that manufacturers should be responsible for reducing the large amounts of packaging they use. Others say consumers should avoid buying heavily packaged items. Discuss both views and state your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

Nowadays online shopping is rapidly replacing physical shopping in stores. What are the positives and negatives of this development, in your opinion? Give some relevant examples.