Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society. However, there is still no agreement about what a perfect society would be like. What, in your opinion, would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can people do to help create an ideal society?
From
the past, Change preposition
In
live
in a perfect Wrong verb form
living
society
has been the dreams
of many but they never concord Fix the agreement mistake
dream
of
what Change preposition
with
this
means. I believe that a society
without discrimination will be the perfect place to live and lots of changements
could Correct your spelling
changes
be introduce
to Change the verb form
be introduced
pursuit
Replace the word
pursue
this
goal.
In our modern era, people are still discriminated for their religion, race and sex. Gender gap in particular
creates differences between male
and Fix the agreement mistake
males
female
in the workplace and household. Statistics highlighted that rather if Fix the agreement mistake
females
women
are more academically qualified than men, only a small percentage of them obtain a high job position such
as CEO or chief and with a remuneration three times less than one offered to man
Correct your spelling
male
collegue
. What is more when employers should decide between men or Correct your spelling
colleagues
women
, they predilige
the ladder because they believe Correct your spelling
privilege
women
could go in
maternity leave and Change preposition
on
quid
their Correct your spelling
quit
carrer
.
These injustices do not stop at workCorrect your spelling
careers
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
spread in the household. In many developing nations females are completely annihilated. Women
illiteracy rate Change noun form
Women's
in
extremely high because governments deny them the right to learn how to read or write. Many Correct your spelling
is
women
are prisoners before of
their fathers and Change preposition
apply
then
of their husbans
, leaving a life closed in their house Correct your spelling
husbands
husband
rising
their children and taking care of the household and if they try to rebel are arrested and brutally killed. A good example is the new law Correct your spelling
raising
introduce
Wrong verb form
introduced
last
week in Afganistan
that prohibits Correct your spelling
Afghanistan
at
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
women
to talk
in public.
Individuals and governments should address the problem, acting in Change preposition
from talking
favor
of Change the spelling
favour
women
. New working policies should be introduce
to guarantee Change the verb form
be introduced
female
and Fix the agreement mistake
females
male
the same right to obtain jobs and the same salary, with punishment for the infringers. Fix the agreement mistake
males
Also
, women
leaiving
in poor countries should be helped by wealthy nations to reduce the discriminatory gap and be Correct your spelling
living
leaving
treat
Wrong verb form
treated
according to
the
human Correct article usage
apply
right
.
In conclusion, nowadays our Fix the agreement mistake
rights
society
still facing
Wrong verb form
faces
varies
Replace the word
various
discriminations
. Fix the agreement mistake
forms of discrimination
Gender
gap is one of the main evident because creates differences Add an article
The gender
on
the workplaces and family nucleus. Change preposition
in
At
Change preposition
In
the
light of that, authorities and individuals should act in a way to reduce discrimination and transform our Correct article usage
apply
society
in
a perfect place to Change preposition
into
leave
.Correct your spelling
live
Submitted by veronicabello on
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language
Ensure grammatical accuracy and correct word choice to improve clarity. This makes your arguments more compelling and easier to follow.
content development
Try to elaborate more on the specific strategies and actions individuals and governments can take. This would provide a more comprehensive response to the second part of the question.
readability
Improve sentence structure for better readability. Complex sentences are good, but they should not be confusing. Proofreading can help in identifying such issues.
content relevance
The essay addresses key issues like gender discrimination at both workplace and household levels, which are highly relevant examples.
structure
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps in maintaining coherence.
task completion
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, touching on both identifying the most important element of a perfect society and suggesting ways to achieve it.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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