Educating young people is naturally important. However, some think governments ought to invest more in education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that
education
plays a vital role in the development of every child. While
some argue that education
for adults
should be more emphasized and get more attention from the government, I believe this
is only suitable for developed nations and not that much necessary in the
developing ones.
Granted, bringing Correct article usage
apply
education
to adults
is beneficial for some reasons. Chief of these is that the young generation can inherit the wisdom from their parents. By gaining sufficient professional knowledge and general information in this
multifaceted life, parents have a better life and are able to meet the requirements of the child as well as
lay the sound foundation for their babies at early ages, enhancing the cognitive ability and the overall
knowledge of the society in the future. Additionally
, this
phenomenon could reap fruits for the economy. Educated adults
reduce the rate of unemployment and provide a quantity
of qualified employees, contributing to a more competitive workforce that improves the national gross of a country.
Change the quantifier
number
However
, despite all the merits mentioned above, I contend that it should not be prioritized over compulsory education
for children as it should be done only in developed countries
. One key reason is that the allocation for this
campaign is likely to be out of reach for developing countries
. As the local authorities have to pay for education
in state schools for the young and other demanding sectors, investing in such
education
could be and
extra cost for the authority, Correct your spelling
an
such
as more class
and Fix the agreement mistake
classes
school
being built and more teachers that are suitable to teach Fix the agreement mistake
schools
adults
being hired, which creates a budget stain for these countries
where economic should be prioritized. Furthermore
, a means of learning which is shared learning could be established. For example
, in mountainous areas of Vietnam where the living conditions are so harsh, parents are attending
schools with their own children, regardless of their age or appearance. Wrong verb form
attend
This
could solve the problems in countries
on the way to developing economies.
In conclusion, despite the fact that making education
accessible for indeed adults
could yield benefits for the whole new generations and labour markets, I do not believe it should be more
superior Correct quantifier usage
apply
than
compulsory Change preposition
to
education
and be done in developing countries
.Submitted by ngocthuykatie on
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task response
Try to ensure each paragraph clearly relates to the task and develops a main point fully.
coherence and cohesion
Aim to make your argument for developed vs. developing countries more prominently. Perhaps introduce it earlier in the essay.
task response
While addressing the task, make sure to elaborate on your examples more to support the points better.
coherence and cohesion
Make transitions smoother between paragraphs to enhance the flow.
content
The essay provides some good insights into the importance of adult education and the distinction between developed and developing nations.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise.
coherence
There is a logical progression throughout the essay, making it easy to follow your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example