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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie chart shows the number of people who were using different languages online. the table shows the average number of people online each year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparations where relevant.

The pie chart shows the number of people who were using different languages online. the table shows the average number of people online each year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparations where relevant.
#people #languages #year #information #feature #comparations
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There is a table that
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 the average number of individuals online from November 1997 to August 2001.
Also
, it can be seen the percentage of those
people
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world population.
At the end
 of 1997, there were only 76
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 online and they were only 1.8% of the total living
people
.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 August 2001, the number increased to 513
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
Also
, the ratio of the
people
 was almost 5 times higher than
1997
Change preposition
in 1997
show examples
. It can be said that there is an
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 number year by year because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 the chart, there
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 529
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 online
at the end
 of 2001.
On the other hand
, different languages which individuals use online can be found in the chart. It can be seen that almost half of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings use
English
Change the article
the English
show examples
 language. The most second used language is Japanese with 8.9%.
Additionally
, Chinese, German, and Spanish
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 following with 8.8%, 6.8%, and 6.5% respectively. After that, the most used languages are Korean, Italian, French, Portuguese, and Dutch. Only 10% of the
people
 use other languages.
Submitted by bloodylady on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, at the end".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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