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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in sir cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in sir cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #railway #systems #sir #cities #summarise #features #comparisons
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Six
cities
Use synonyms
 are shown with data regarding
railway
Use synonyms
 systems built underground. As shown, there is a clear decline in
railway
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length
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 proportional to the age of the
railway
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, going from 394
km
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 to 126
km
Use synonyms
 when sorting the
cities
Use synonyms
 chronologically from oldest to newest,
conversely
Linking Words
, the next city, Kyoto shows a sharp decline from 126
km
Use synonyms
 to 11
km
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, alongside the city of Los Angeles that proceeds it, showing a slight rise to 28
km
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. We can see that the
passengers
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 per
year
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 tend to rise alongside the
length
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 of the
railway
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, going from 50 to 775
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
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,
although
Linking Words
 the
cities
Use synonyms
 of Paris and Tokyo decline in
railway
Use synonyms
length
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while
Linking Words
 still maintaining the rise of
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
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, going from 775 to 1191 and 1927
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
. To summarize, railways tend to continue rising in
length
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 the newer they are,
although
Linking Words
 a few newer
cities
Use synonyms
 have relatively short railways, and longer railways tend to experience more traffic per
year
Use synonyms
 in
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 a few
cities
Use synonyms
 contradict
this
Linking Words
.
Submitted by Endo on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cities, railway, length, km, passengers, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • underground railway system
  • route length
  • annual passengers
  • opening date
  • established
  • network
  • passenger numbers
  • comparison
  • geographical location
  • urban transit
  • infrastructure
  • length of the route
  • serve
  • capacity
  • system expansion
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