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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same thing and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss bot these views and give your opinion.

#people #lives #change #bot
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There are competing views on whether to welcome
change
 or
avoide
Correct your spelling
avoid
 it.
Althought
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Although
 to some people having a stable routine is
safe
Add an article
a safe
show examples
 alternative. I believe in
change
 because through risk I will gain a wide range of experience which will lead to
fosters
Fix the agreement mistake
foster
show examples
 growth and present new opportunities. Those who resist
change
 are often hiding from risk and uncertainty. For
exmaple
Correct your spelling
example
, people who work in a
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
 job which they hate can not resign and look for another job in fear of losing a stable job that
also
 provides
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 to them and their
familes
Correct your spelling
families
.
However
, I do not think
this
 school of thought will help them avoid
change
.
As eventaully
Change preposition
Eventaully
show examples
 they might
burnout
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burn out
show examples
 which will cause them mental health issues that will force them to quit or worse get fired. Others,
on the other hand
,
aruge
Correct your spelling
argue
argues
 that
change
 is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 thing
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 it will allow the individual to take risks and advance in life. By embracing
change
 they are able to be successful in the long run
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
For example
, Brad Pitt in an interview
explaind
Correct your spelling
explained
 that as
actor
Add an article
an actor
show examples
 he needs to find different and challenging roles that will help him expand his creativity as an actor
thus
 meaning staying with the same roles will not provide him with any growth and will slowly fade him from the cinema. I agree with
this
 mindset because if a person opts for an easy route , after some time they will fail in life. In conclusion,
while
 avoiding
change
 can secure
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
momentary safety,
emracing
Correct your spelling
embracing
 it will allow the person to grow and experience new things . which will be beneficial in the long run. I believe that
change
 opens many doors to the person.
Therefore
,
change
 should not be welcomed with fear
instead
 it should be welcomed with positivity.
Submitted by sajaali100 on

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task response
Consider thoroughly addressing both perspectives in a well-balanced manner. While you have touched on both views, elaborating more on the counter-arguments will strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay closer attention to paragraph transitions to improve flow. Consistently link your ideas between paragraphs to maintain a clear, logical structure.
grammar
Review sentences for grammatical accuracy and varied sentence structures. This will make your essay more engaging and easier to read.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction does a good job of presenting the topic and your opinion. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and reinforces your belief in the positive aspects of change.
relevant specific examples
Providing examples such as the low-income job scenario and Brad Pitt’s career adds depth to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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