IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

There is a view that now
people
Use synonyms
 are living longer than in the past, with some saying an ageing population has many drawbacks for the government,
others
Correct word choice
while others
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 argue that it has numerous benefits of having more elderly
people
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.
While
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 there might be some disadvantages of having more older
people
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, personally, I believe that the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages, as
elders
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 are a model for us. Admittedly, there might be some drawbacks
of
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to
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 living longer, but one of the main problems is overpopulation. To clarify, overpopulation can create numerous problems ,
such
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 as a shortage of resources like food and water,
as well as
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 the spread of diseases.
For example
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, if there is overpopulation, food, clean water, and energy will become scarce.
In addition
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, crowded living conditions make it easier for illnesses to pollution.
Thus
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, for these reasons, it can create
such
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 problems for governments.
Nevertheless
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, there are several benefits if society has more elderly
people
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. First of all, they are a great example of cultural preservation, because
elders
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 keep traditions, language and national values alive, which strengthens national identity.
As a result
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, thanks to
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elders
Correct article usage
the elders
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,
we
Fix capitalization
We
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 know about our ancestors, traditions and our values.
Additionally
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, they are a good model for adolescents because they have wisdom and life experience. They lived through different situations, so their advice can help avoid mistakes and make better decisions.
Therefore
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, for these reasons, it can be highly beneficial. In conclusion,
although
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 living longer can create many issues, it can greatly impact youngsters since
elders
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 give us knowledge.

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structure
Make the main idea of each paragraph clear and stay on one point in that paragraph.
examples
Use more exact evidence or examples to back up claims, not just big words.
grammar
Fix big grammar errors and wrong words; read aloud to see if it sounds right.
structure
Keep a clear view in the end; state why the good parts are bigger than the bad parts, and link back to the start.
content
The essay shows a clear view and has a start and end.
content
You show why old people can help with culture and wisdom.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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