IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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It goes without saying that we live in an age and decade when human
beings
Change noun form
beings'
being's
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 livelihood
enhances
Wrong verb form
is enhanced
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 via huge improvements in
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
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 system,
as well as
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 other environmental changes. There is still
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 dichotomy among society members, someone convinced that there are huge beneficial consequences for society,
while
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 other
people
Use synonyms
 think that detrimental ramifications of living longer tip the scales overwhelmingly. Personally, I
advocating
Wrong verb form
advocate
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to
Change preposition
in
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this
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 case that all human beings should live longer and gain satisfaction
of
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from
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 every moment of life. First and foremost, it is worth noticing that
people
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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senior age,
aged
Correct word choice
and aged
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 one's are the main source of wisdom, inspiration and unwavering love and support for youngsters, mainly adolescents. If qualified, professionals
of
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in
show examples
 their field and specialisation will live longer, without any
doubds
Correct your spelling
doubts
doubt
 they can pass their knowledge to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
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 generation and in
this
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way
Add a comma
way,
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 there will be a cycle of valuable information,
as well as
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 multifaceted and versatile knowledge about the history, which is necessary for different country developments. To cite an example, I genuinely can notice that my remarkable grandmother provided me with valuable information and
tuited
Correct your spelling
taught
 me many actions, like cooking masterpieces of cookery art and mouth-watering national dishes, in my daily routine it helps me a lot.
Additionally
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, every creature of nature should live
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 and healthy life
due to
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 fact that we come to
this
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 planet only once and everyone should utilize
this
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 possibility wholeheartedly.
On the other hand
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, a multitude of individuals think that elder
people
Use synonyms
 create more detrimental issues
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, rather than benefit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society. It is evident, that as we get older, our body, mental and physical health,
as well as
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 psychological face noticeable changes and
consciousness
Correct article usage
the consciousness
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 of individuals declines significantly.
As a result
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, they are like burdens for their relatives and doctors in hospitals which spend
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 amount of time for them.
Additionally
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, expenditures on
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
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 ages which suffer from life-threatening diseases
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
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 day by day.
For instance
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, many seniors cannot even feed and take
bathroom
Correct article usage
the bathroom
show examples
 by themselves, it
took
Wrong verb form
takes
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 a lot of power to do it
or
Correct word choice
and
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 adults who suffer from
alzheimer
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Alzheimer
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 disease or dimension
and
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apply
show examples
might be
potential
Correct article usage
a potential
show examples
sourse
Correct your spelling
source
sources
 of danger for surrounding
people
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, despite some ramifications of being old, all of us will encounter
this
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 age and we should not see seniors
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a burden.
Instead
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, we should appreciate them and provide them with all
facilities
Correct article usage
the facilities
show examples
 that make them happy and reinforce
livelihood
Correct article usage
the livelihood
show examples
 of their lives.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the issue. It is somewhat unclear which side you are leaning towards until later in the essay.
task achievement
Make sure your arguments are thoroughly explained and supported with relevant examples. Some points need more elaboration and specific examples. Consider discussing both the advantages and disadvantages more evenly.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs to enhance coherence. You may use more transition words to guide your reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs to ensure each has a clear main idea followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure to improve readability and clarity.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good attempt to address the complex issue of an aging population, showing both potential benefits and drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion show a good understanding of the essay structure, making your argument clear.
relevant specific examples
Your personal example about your grandmother adds a nice touch and strengthens your argument about the benefits of having elderly individuals in society.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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