IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world , young people decide to leave their parents home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays the trend of leaving their parent's home to live on their own or with friends after completion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school is increasing. In my opinion,
this
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 is a negative development because
this
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 might bring misunderstanding
between
Change preposition
among
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 the family members and it could be arduous to live alone.
Firstly
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, home is where all the family members reside together and get to see each other
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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. In fact, they share meals together and have daily conversations.
However
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,
this
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 is sacrificed if they are to live separately. Even a day of living apart may have brought a lot of things to work for, imagine living apart for months and years and forever, a lot of changes might have occurred. The regular love and care they used to share are missed .
Parents
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 might get older and older and who would be taking care of them?
Parents
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 living and looking after their children for so long will be sad to live alone at home.
For instance
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: children might fail to know the diseased condition of their
parents
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 unless they
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 informed if they are living too far from each other without contact. Their absence during hard times can affect their relationship and weaken the bonding.
Secondly
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, it is unsafe for children to live alone or with friends unless they are financially strong and well experienced
about
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in
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 the work. They are still too young after
the
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apply
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school
who
Correct word choice
and
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were
Wrong verb form
are
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 living under
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
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 support for almost everything.
Moreover
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, many
monsterous
Correct your spelling
monstrous
 activities like
a
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apply
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rape
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a threat
for
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to
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 a girl child.
For instance
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, in some parts of India and Nepal, the rate is increasing every year because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of strict laws within
in
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apply
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the country. The girls living alone are becoming the victims.
Therefore
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, it is not wise to live alone until you have strong security. In conclusion, living separately can be a hindrance to good relationships and can be a mistake to live away
while
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 we can still be with our
parents
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
While the essay mentions key points, expanding and providing more detailed explanations, as well as examples, could enhance clarity and effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct main idea. This will make your argument easier to follow and improve overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument effectively.
task achievement
The writing addresses both potential emotional and practical concerns regarding living separately from parents, which is comprehensive.
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