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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia
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Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 below chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the given data in different
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 and
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
dance
Use synonyms
clases
Correct your spelling
classes
class
 of
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 people in the
twon
Correct your spelling
town
two
 of Australia
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 recently attending.we can
See
Fix capitalization
see
show examples
 that the
area
Use synonyms
 of the
dance
Use synonyms
 of
Privade
Correct your spelling
Private
 studios is twice as much
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 the school halls.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
college -based
Add a hyphen
college-based
show examples
 studios
occupaid
Correct your spelling
occupied
 one-tenth
area
Use synonyms
 of all over the
area
Use synonyms
 is much less than others.
Also
Linking Words
 the
commonity
Correct your spelling
community
 halls and
other
Change the wording
another area
other areas
show examples
area
Use synonyms
coverd
Correct your spelling
covered
covers
 the
area
Use synonyms
 upto
18%is
Correct your spelling
18% is
 higher than collage-based studios and less than the remaining.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 chart
display
Correct subject-verb agreement
displays
show examples
Correct word choice
that teenager
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 those
upto
Correct your spelling
to
 11-16 years
in
Correct word choice
old in
show examples
 ballet
dance
Use synonyms
 are
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 less than
onder
Correct your spelling
those
 11 years In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tap
dance
Use synonyms
 there is no huge
differencein
Correct your spelling
difference in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 420 under whose age vis 11-18 Attend the class and under 11 is neay to 470 Students .
Ther
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 ratio of
stodent
Correct your spelling
student
students
 in modern
dance
Use synonyms
 is under lees near to twice of gear to 11-16. In conclusion, the private
studiois
Correct your spelling
studio is
studios
 much
area
Use synonyms
 than others
also
Linking Words
 if we see the types of
dance
Use synonyms
 only in modern
diance
Correct your spelling
dance
 the
teenageer
Correct your spelling
teenager
teenagers
 of Age11-16
greate
Correct your spelling
greater
 than under 11.
Submitted by khastafojiii on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, furthermore".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area, dance with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • attendance
  • community centers
  • dance schools
  • private studios
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • ballroom
  • analysis
  • popularity
  • accessibility
  • cost
  • cultural trends
  • media influences
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