Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In modern society, most individuals are working in organizations. Among them, a part of
employees
are expected to working the same organization for their whole working life.
While
others are willing to change their occupations over the years.
This
essay will argue that the pros and cons of these thoughts. Working at the same company throughout the entire working period is provided the specific advantages. These particular
employees
have an entire knowledge about the processes of the specific company.
In addition
to that, the employer would be identified as a loyal
employee
.
Consequently
, those beliefs of employers
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
provided with
a
Remove the article
apply
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better recognition, specific wage rates and
also
higher job security with considerable retirement benefits.
However
, these types of
employee's
Fix the agreement mistake
employees'
show examples
knowledge and
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
will be
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
narrow. Since they do have not enough experience in various business cultures they have to stay in the same process.
Therefore
, it is harder to
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
the society.
Moreover
, being an
employee
in several companies over the years has obtained crucial strengths for an
employee
's career path. It will receive a range of skills in various categories. For example, one of my friends has worked in three organizations in the
last
five years as an accountant.
Hence
she was able to learn about the three separate accounting packages.
Such
as SAP, AccPack and MyOB.
Further
, these types of
employees
pave the way for higher salary rates year by year based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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industry norms. In conclusion, both types of
employees
have a mix of advantages and challenges with their selections.
According to
my point of view, the contribution to several organizations will be provided with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better career development
while
enhancing personal attitudes.
However
, the success of a career will depend on the commitment towards the organization.
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Grammar
Review and correct grammatical errors and typos to enhance readability and clarity.
Coherence
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas to improve cohesion.
Support
Provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen arguments.
Task Response
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views and provides a clear opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the essay.
Support
Relevant specific example (friend working in three organizations) is effectively used to support the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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