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Writing Samples
Band 5

Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students.

#computers #basis #world #classrooms #programs #purposes #dependence #risk #students
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One of the widely discussed topics nowadays is that
Computers
 are
basis
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the basis
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 of
modern
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the modern
show examples
 world. It is undeniable that
computers
 have become an essential part of our life.
However
, there is no absolute agreement
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 whether they should be introduced into classrooms for teaching purposes or not. A commonly held belief is that
computers
 help for
development
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the development
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 of
children
. As evidence of
this
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this,
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 they point to
wide
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a wide
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 variety of educating applications and programs.
Furthermore
,
children
 from
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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 can start learning different things on
computers
 and cell phones without elderly help.
Also
, school students use
computers
 to do their homework when their parents are busy and cannot help them.
As a result
, it leads to independent
children
 with early development.
On the other hand
, some people claim that using
computers
 doesn’t encourage youth creativity.
For example
, they may mention that modern
children
 have limited thinking and problem-solving abilities. The explanation lies in the fact that they don’t practice
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 areas of their brain, and
therefore
 new neural connections have not been formed as
of
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apply
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their tasks are done by computer.
And critical
Correct word choice
Critical
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 thinking can be gained only by practicing and reading
a books
Correct the article-noun agreement
a book
books
show examples
 which will help
children
 to expand
boundaries
Correct article usage
the boundaries
show examples
 of their consciousness. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I come to
conclusion
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the conclusion
show examples
 that
computers
 can be used for teaching
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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, but it
shall
Verb problem
should
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 be limited. And there should be additional subjects targeting
development
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the development
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 of creativity,
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 and critical thinking abilities.
Balance
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The balance
show examples
 shall be maintained as in everything in
this
 world.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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relevant specific examples
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed with relevant and specific examples to build a stronger case. This might involve providing concrete instances or studies that illustrate your points more effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expanding your ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should delve deeper into the points being made, giving a clearer and more comprehensive view of your argument.
complete response
You've presented a balanced view by acknowledging both the advantages and risks of using computers in the classroom, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a good start and a clear summary of your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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