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Writing Samples /
Band 4

governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #railways #roads
It is said that
governments
 should spend money on
railways
 rather than
roads
. I strongly disagree with
this
statements
Fix the agreement mistake
statement
show examples
 because of the societal need
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all infrastructure. Many
people
 like to travel
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own vehicles
due to
 being more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 and
comfortale
Correct your spelling
comfortable
.
As a result
, they need to drive
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
roads
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 good condition. If the
governments
should
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not pay enough attention to
roads
, car accidents, and other trouble events may happen and
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 may be threatened .
For example
, in my country, Iran, there was
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of car accidents especially on holidays because of
roads
Correct article usage
the roads
show examples
. They
didnot
Correct your spelling
did not
 have adequate lights or guardrails. The government started to invest huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 improving
roads condition
Fix the agreement mistake
road conditions
show examples
 by making highways. Today,
this
 implement has been able to save thousands
people's
Change preposition
of people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
However
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society requires
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
railways
 as a part of their transportation system
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
 problems that vehicles mostly cause. The prevention of using fossil fuels is the best example for
discribing
Correct your spelling
describing
 the
impoartance
Correct your spelling
importance
 of
railways
. Global warming and changing climate are threats that result from using
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of fuels. They put our planet at
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
show examples
 and the
govenments
Correct your spelling
government
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
responssible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for them. The development of
railways
Fix the agreement mistake
railway
show examples
infarstructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 is the part of
governments'
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 duty for
this
responssibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
. In conclusion, I think the
governments
 should invest in both ways of transportation,
roads
 and
railways
, because of the preservation of
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and the prevention of using more fossil fuels.
Submitted by hg1984 on

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task achievement
Your essay covers the main points necessary to address the prompt, but it would benefit from a clearer structure and more comprehensive development of each point. Consider splitting longer sentences and providing more detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences flow logically and smoothly from one to the next. At times, the connections between your points could be clearer. Using transitional words and phrases will help improve this aspect.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, but it can be strengthened by more explicitly restating your position. This reinforces your argument to the reader.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples that support your points, such as the example from Iran about improving road conditions. This strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This aids in the overall readability and coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
What to do next:
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