Many museums charge for admission while others are free . do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to musuems outweigh the disadvantages?
Some
museums
are free-entery
, Correct your spelling
free
opposed
to those Correct word choice
as opposed
which
purchasing tickets Change preposition
in which
are
mandatory. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Althugh
by not paying for Correct your spelling
Although
visiting
the Wrong verb form
visit
museums
more people would tend to visit, however
, I believe that authorities could use the museums
' income to take care of them, which is more benefical
.
It is argued that free Correct your spelling
beneficial
museums
are more frequently visited and have more deep
impact on general people. BecauseCorrect word choice
deeper
,
many people are not educated enough to appreciate history and culture. Remove the comma
apply
As a result
, they do not have the tendency to spend money on these kind
of activities ,so by keeping cultural places free they would visit more often and the chance of them being educated raises. Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
For instance
, Negarestan
Correct article usage
the Negarestan
museum
is free once Capitalize word
Museum
in
a year and Change preposition
apply
in
that day, it has the most visitors of all the year. Change preposition
on
Consequently
, many youngsters get attracted to traditional paintings, which they have seen in
that specific day.
Change preposition
on
However
, I believe that visiting cultural building
do not have a knock-on impact on all the visitors and it is more beneficial to Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
educated
them in the school Change the form of the verb
educate
not
in Add the comma(s)
, not
museums
.
In
the other hand, Change preposition
On
museums
are mostly located in historical and old buildings and it is necessary to avoid the
Correct article usage
apply
destructions
, which happens Fix the agreement mistake
destruction
during
the decades. Change preposition
over
This
action ,however
, is pricey and by selling tickets a major part of the cost would be covered. Not all of
Change preposition
apply
the
cities and countries can be financially supportive Correct article usage
apply
through
Change preposition
of
this
pathway, so the museums
' managers have to take action in their own hands. For example
, as a result
of low
budget, 'Chehel Sotun' of Isfahan was nearly ruined 10 years ago. Correct article usage
the low
However
, the mayor ,by getting entering
fee, managed to Correct article usage
an entering
repare
the precious building. I believe that getting a proper amount of Correct your spelling
repair
prepare
entery-fee
would be useful for managing the Correct your spelling
entry-fee
museums
in a more efficient way.
In conclusion, while
making museums
free would lead to more visitors and growing up
awareness and knowledge, the ticket,s fee for maintaining the building is a necessity and without the money, many Change preposition
apply
building
would be ruined by now.Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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grammar
Ensure consistency in spelling and grammar throughout the essay. For example, 'entry' is misspelled as 'entery' and 'repair' is misspelled as 'repare'.
development
Develop the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly. Although you presented a counter-argument, explaining it further would add depth to your essay. For example, discuss how schools might not be able to cover all aspects of cultural education.
coherence
Improve the use of transitions to enhance the flow between paragraphs. For example, instead of 'In the other hand', use 'On the other hand'.
structure
You provided a well-structured introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your opinion.
examples
The examples provided in the essay were relevant and helped in supporting your main points. For instance, the example of 'Chehel Sotun' in Isfahan adds considerable weight to your argument.
clarity
Your ideas and arguments were mostly clear and comprehensive, making your stance understandable to the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example