IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free . do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to musuems outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some
museums
Use synonyms
 are
free-entery
Correct your spelling
free
,
opposed
Correct word choice
as opposed
show examples
 to those
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 purchasing tickets
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 mandatory.
Althugh
Correct your spelling
Although
 by not paying for
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 the
museums
Use synonyms
 more people would tend to visit,
however
Linking Words
, I believe that authorities could use the
museums
Use synonyms
' income to take care of them, which is more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
. It is argued that free
museums
Use synonyms
 are more frequently visited and have more
deep
Correct word choice
deeper
show examples
 impact on general people. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 many people are not educated enough to appreciate history and culture.
As a result
Linking Words
, they do not have the tendency to spend money on
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of activities ,so by keeping cultural places free they would visit more often and the chance of them being educated raises.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Negarestan
Correct article usage
the Negarestan
show examples
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 is free once
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a year and
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that day, it has the most visitors of all the year.
Consequently
Linking Words
, many youngsters get attracted to traditional paintings, which they have seen
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that specific day.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that visiting cultural
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 do not have a knock-on impact on all the visitors and it is more beneficial to
educated
Change the form of the verb
educate
show examples
 them in the school
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 in
museums
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
museums
Use synonyms
 are mostly located in historical and old buildings and it is necessary to avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
destructions
Fix the agreement mistake
destruction
show examples
, which happens
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the decades.
This
Linking Words
 action ,
however
Linking Words
, is pricey and by selling tickets a major part of the cost would be covered. Not all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cities and countries can be financially supportive
through
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 pathway, so the
museums
Use synonyms
' managers have to take action in their own hands.
For example
Linking Words
,
as a result
Linking Words
 of
low
Correct article usage
the low
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 budget, 'Chehel Sotun' of Isfahan was nearly ruined 10 years ago.
However
Linking Words
, the mayor ,by getting
entering
Correct article usage
an entering
show examples
 fee, managed to
repare
Correct your spelling
repair
prepare
 the precious building. I believe that getting a proper amount of
entery-fee
Correct your spelling
entry-fee
 would be useful for managing the
museums
Use synonyms
 in a more efficient way. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 making
museums
Use synonyms
 free would lead to more visitors and growing
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
awareness and knowledge, the ticket,s fee for maintaining the building is a necessity and without the money, many
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 would be ruined by now.

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grammar
Ensure consistency in spelling and grammar throughout the essay. For example, 'entry' is misspelled as 'entery' and 'repair' is misspelled as 'repare'.
development
Develop the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly. Although you presented a counter-argument, explaining it further would add depth to your essay. For example, discuss how schools might not be able to cover all aspects of cultural education.
coherence
Improve the use of transitions to enhance the flow between paragraphs. For example, instead of 'In the other hand', use 'On the other hand'.
structure
You provided a well-structured introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your opinion.
examples
The examples provided in the essay were relevant and helped in supporting your main points. For instance, the example of 'Chehel Sotun' in Isfahan adds considerable weight to your argument.
clarity
Your ideas and arguments were mostly clear and comprehensive, making your stance understandable to the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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