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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress level amongs professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or coollage lecurer.

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress level amongs professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or coollage lecurer.
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The bar chart shows the average hours of working in several fields.
While
,
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apply
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 the pie chart illustrates the stress burdens happening in every job shown.
Overall
, it can be seen that
professions
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professionals
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such
 as
business
Correct your spelling
businessmen
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men
 and movie producers have been working with
the
Correct article usage
an
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 average time is higher than
other kind
Change the wording
another kind
other kinds
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 of jobs.
Whereas
, lecturers and doctors affect more people suffering from stress. On the one hand,
business
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businessmen
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men
 have around 70 hours
work
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of work
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 time
for
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apply
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every single week and it becomes the highest average duration.
On the other hand
, chefs and lecturers have
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 proportion which is around 30 hours per week. These mean that working time is around twofold lower than the
business
Correct your spelling
businessmen
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men
. The highest percentage of individuals which suffers from mental illness comes from lecturers and doctors with the same proportion which is 25% followed by movie producers and
business
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businessmen
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men
 with the total value slightly lower 20% and roughly one to ten respectively.
By contrast
, writers account for the lowest burden with only 5%
workers
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of workers
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should suffer
Wrong verb form
suffering
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 from stress.
Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words business, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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