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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #information #features #comparisons
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The chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of routine physical activity of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in various
age
Use synonyms
 groups in Australia in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that
regular
Correct article usage
the regular
show examples
 exercise
percentage
Use synonyms
 in women was
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 than in men in almost all
age
Use synonyms
 groups except for the 15 to
24-years-old
Correct your spelling
24-year-old
group
Use synonyms
 which
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 scored higher than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. Regarding male regular exercise, it peaked in the 15 to 24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
52.8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
 it declined gradually till it hit the lowest
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 which is 39.5 for the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 35 to 44;
however
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 increased slowly again with
age
Use synonyms
 and was almost equal to that of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the 65 and over
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 with a 45.7% Turning to female routine physical activity
percentage
Use synonyms
, it was the lowest in the 15 to 24
group
Use synonyms
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
47.7%,
then
Linking Words
 rose steadily till it reached
a constant values
Correct the article-noun agreement
a constant value
constant values
show examples
 in the
age
Use synonyms
 groups of 53 to 44, 45 to 54, and 55 to 64, which was 52.5%, 53.3%, and 53% respectively.
Submitted by remasalotaibi678 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bar chart
  • Percentage
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participation
  • Age group
  • Trend
  • Significant
  • Notable
  • Gender gap
  • Comparative analysis
  • Consistent
  • Decline
  • Progressive
  • Conversely
  • Motivations
  • Barriers
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