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Band 5

Walking is known to be beneficial for health and yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem?

#health #people
school
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the school
show examples
 has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
limited
money
 to spend either on
teachers
 or
computers
.
Therefore
, it is considered by some that having good
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 is necessary for
schools
,
while
 there are others who believe that authorities should
installed
Change the verb form
install
show examples
computers
 in
schools
. Despite
this
, I opine that
teachers
 are helpful for the
students
 if
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 spend
money
 on conducting seminars related to teaching . On the one hand,
Teachers
 are
primary
Add an article
the primary
a primary
show examples
 source of
knowledge
, guidance and support to the
students
. Well-trained
teachers
 have a deep understanding of education so they can help
students
 to nurture their development. To achieve
this
,
schools
 should organise workshops and seminars to upgrade
teachers
’
knowledge
 firmly so it would be beneficial for
students
.
For example
, the Government of India has established regulations requiring
schools
 to organize workshops and seminars to update teaching methods.
On the other hand
, some people think that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should spend
money
 to install
computers
 because it helps them to learn basic
knowledge
 about recent technology at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age.
For example
, university
students
 have to make a
PowerPoints
Change the noun form
PowerPoint
show examples
 presentation for their assignments, which will require
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 work on basic functions of
excel
Capitalize word
Excel
show examples
 and
word
Capitalize word
Word
show examples
file
Fix the agreement mistake
files
show examples
.
Professor
Fix the agreement mistake
Professors
show examples
 at university will not teach
students
 to learn these key features,
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 children might have to spend
money
 to learn
computers
.
Therefore
, it is important to learn
latest
Change the article
the latest
show examples
 technology in their childhood life. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that
while
 there are many people who are in support of spending
money
 to install
computers
 in
schools
 as they think about future
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
, I feel that
money
 should spent on conducting programs which would help
teachers
 to give
knowledge
 to our future generations.
Submitted by parmarheena277254 on

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task achievement
Try to clarify your main argument in the introduction. Your position is somewhat clear, but making a more definitive statement would strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a single clear main idea that is directly related to the task. This will help improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on the smoothness of transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help your essay to flow better and make it easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for good structure and coherence.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which helps in making the essay more persuasive and informative.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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