IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people argue that learning foreign languages should be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #languages #schools
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Nowadays, many schools are teaching foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 as an essential subject. Plus, some people claim that
this
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 tendency should be required in all schools.
However
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, I do not agree with
this
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 statement because,
while
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 learning other non-essential
languages
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 at
school
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, students might
have
Verb problem
be
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 burnt and stressed sometimes.
Nevertheless
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, we should consider that multilingualism can give great opportunities
while
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 searching for a job. On the one hand, teaching foreign
languages
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 in schools might provide job opportunities and improvements in communication skills.
For instance
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, these many highly qualified international companies require
use
Add an article
the use
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 of English or the language which they speak to
enroll
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enrol
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. Admittedly, my country, Kazakhstan, has been a colony of the Russian empire for a
while
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, and,
consequently
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, the majority of people should have learnt Russian
along with
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 Kazakh.
Additionally
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, bioscientists reckon that multilingualism can enhance people’s brain cells because, if individuals learn another language, their brain works better when it comes to choosing a correct word
while
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 speaking.
On the other hand
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, learning another language in
school
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 might have its downsides for students' mental health.
For example
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, when students struggle with plenty of tasks that are given by the
school
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, they may be depressed because
Add the comma(s)
, in
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in
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during
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school
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 time, scholars often
come
Verb problem
become
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 weak
for
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because of
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 mental issues.
Moreover
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, the main disadvantage that can be caused by teaching foreign
languages
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 is
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generations’ probability of losing their national identities. Actually,
this
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 tendency causes many problems in the unity of the society. In conclusion, there are many upsides
of
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to
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 teaching foreign
languages
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 at
school
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, and they start with finding a job with good opportunities and end with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
improvements in the brain cells.
However
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, I disagree with the opinion which lifts the idea that teaching other
languages
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 is mandatory.
Submitted by writingiletschecker on

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task achievement
While the essay covers the topic well and presents relevant points, strive to ensure your arguments are more detailed and fully developed. Consider providing more specific examples where necessary.
task achievement
Try to maintain a clear and consistent stance throughout your essay. While your position is clear, some of your supporting points could be more directly related to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between your paragraphs and within your ideas. The essay might benefit from better transitions and more cohesive arguments that tie back to your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences work towards developing that idea. Occasionally, the connection between sentences could be stronger to enhance overall coherence.
task achievement
Your intention to consider multiple perspectives is clear and well-presented, which is a strength of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is recognizable, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps to maintain good coherence.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the situation in Kazakhstan, which helps to make your points more concrete.
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