These days, too many people maintain their health by relyin doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy life. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.
In order to maintain their health,
people
usually rely on doctor treatments and medicines nowadays instead
of maintaining a healthy lifestyle
. I totally agree with this
statement because there are misconception
Fix the agreement mistake
misconceptions
where
Correct word choice
that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
lifestyle
can be achieved by consuming medicine
regularly but they still maintain unhealthy lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
due to
enjoying life
misconception.
Firstly
, some people
think it is important to enjoy their life
rather than keep a healthy lifestyle
. Enjoying life
usually defines
as eating all delicious food without considering the effects later on and consuming alcohol rather than going to Wrong verb form
defined
an
exercise. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, they
will be easier to get sick and unconsciously rely on Correct pronoun usage
it
doctor
and Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
medicine
. However
, a
true meaning of enjoying Correct article usage
the
life
is being aware of what kind of foods are consumed and maintaining our body fit by doing a sport regularly.
Moreover
, another misunderstanding is some people
think being healthy can be achieved by consuming medicine
regularly. In fact, being truly healthy is not relying
any substances because the body has natural protection which Add the preposition
relying on
relying upon
are
Change the verb form
is
antibody
to avoid Fix the agreement mistake
antibodies
virus
or bacteria Fix the agreement mistake
viruses
injecting
Wrong verb form
injected
to
the body. Change preposition
into
This
phenomenon can be seen from
some Change preposition
in
people
regularly
consume diet pills in order to maintain their Correct pronoun usage
who regularly
bodyweight
Correct your spelling
body weight
instead
of going to the gym twice a week.
In conclusion, people
prefer to rely on doctors and medicines for maintaining their health because there are misconceptions about willingness
to enjoy Correct article usage
the willingness
the
Correct article usage
apply
life
and having
Wrong verb form
have
a
Correct article usage
apply
medicine
regularly. People
should be done
preventive activities to maintain their bodies, Wrong verb form
do
such
as being active and selective on
consuming their foods.Change preposition
in
Submitted by bhaswarawira on
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task achievement
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, you could improve your task achievement by providing more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, provide a specific scenario or statistics to back up your claims about misconceptions regarding a healthy lifestyle.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph is well developed and that your ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next. Utilizing linking words and phrases would enhance the logical connection between your ideas. While you have used some linking words, more could make your essay more coherent.
language accuracy
Be careful with language accuracy. While small inaccuracies won't heavily impact your score, try to avoid frequent mistakes that could disrupt the reader's understanding. For example, 'misconception' should often be plural, and pay attention to subject-verb agreements.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position, which provides a clear direction for the essay.
supported main points
You address both misconceptions that people may hold and offer solutions, which gives a balanced view and adds depth to your response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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