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Writing Samples
Band 6

The line graph below illustrates the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton over a period of 30 years between 1980 and 2010.

The line graph below illustrates the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton over a period of 30 years between 1980 and 2010.
#line #percentage #tourists #england #four #attractions #brighton #period #years
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The line graph compares the rate of
people
's choice of attractions who visited Brighton, England for tourism in the years
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1980 and 2010.
Overall
,
it is clear that
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
 who experienced pier has an increasing trend
while
art
 gallery has a decreasing tendency. First of all, we can see that
pavillion
Correct article usage
the pavillion
show examples
 hit
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 highest point in 1995. The percentage had a steep increase from roughly 23% in 1980 to 48% in 1995.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it had a sharp decline until 2000 rating 35%.
Then
 it slowly decreased to 30% until 2010.
Secondly
,
art
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
 had a dramatic change
among
Change preposition
over
show examples
 10 years. The rate rose from approximately 21% in 1980 to 37% in 1985 and
then
 fell to 20% in 1990.
Then
 it had a smooth decline to 8% in 2010.
Next,
pier
Add an article
the pier
show examples
 had an increasing tendency
among
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the period. The percentage climbed up steadily from 10% in 1980 to nearly 22% in 2010.
Finally
, festivals stayed almost stable at 30%.
Overall
, it is seen that
people
 visiting
art
 galleries decreased
while
people
 going to
pier
Correct article usage
the pier
show examples
 slightly increased in 30 years. Visitors going to
art
 galleries and pavillion fluctuated
widly
Correct your spelling
widely
wildly
 during the period.
Submitted by wjddbs2206 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, art with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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