ILife has become much more stressful compared to our parent’s generation. As a result, stress-related illnesses are increasing around the world. Why is stress such widespread in the modern world and what do you think can be done to overcome the problems caused by stress? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some
specialist
Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
show examples
suggest that governments have been spending
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
resources to solve medical problems
instead
of educational programs. In my opinion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should invest more money to prevent the community
to get
Change preposition
from getting
show examples
sick rather
to treat
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than treating
show examples
the illness or
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
disease. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will argue about
this
phenomenon and give some ideas to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In the
last
decades, humanity has been facing
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
dengue disease or fever pandemic like
COVID 19
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COVID-19
show examples
.
Furthermore
, governments around the world invest big money
due
Change preposition
in
show examples
the vaccination program. Some might argue that COVID was made in
Add an article
a
the
show examples
laboratory,
Correct word choice
and promote
show examples
promote
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promoted
show examples
by the media and big pharmaceutic
business
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businesses
show examples
.
However
, thousands of people died due
this
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to this
show examples
virus. To prevent
this
kind of
scenarios
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scenario
show examples
government
should invest more money to
educated
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educate
show examples
their people and to prevent the spread of the virus.
For instance
, an article from TIMES
magazines
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magazine
show examples
declare
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declares
show examples
that in Latin
America
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American
show examples
countries like Brazil
Bolsonaro
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Bolsonaro's
show examples
government
did not take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
precaution
Fix the agreement mistake
precautions
show examples
to avoid the spread.
As a result
, 250000
of
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apply
show examples
Brazilian
Replace the word
Brazilians
show examples
died.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand, it is really difficult for governments to protect the
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
quantity of people around the world. I believe that it is important to
incentive
Correct your spelling
incentivise
show examples
educational health programs at schools and universities.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
way,
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
generation would be alert in order to reduce the spreading and the high demand in hospitals. In conclusion, it is undeniable that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should help
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
treating of illness but
also
,
they
Correct word choice
but they
show examples
should
promote
Rephrase
also promote
show examples
health educational programs
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
young
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
generations and
also
in adults.
Submitted by marcodimonaco89 on

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task achievement
In your introduction, clearly state your thesis or main argument to guide the reader. Currently, it's a bit vague and general.
coherence cohesion
Develop each paragraph around a single main idea. This will help improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Use more relevant and detailed examples to support your arguments. Specific evidence strengthens your points considerably.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay flows smoothly from one paragraph to the next. Transitional phrases can help in this regard.
task achievement
You effectively mention global issues like COVID-19 to illustrate your points, making your essay relatable and timely.
task achievement
You have a conclusion that summarizes your arguments and reiterates your main idea, which is good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • productivity
  • competitive job market
  • technological advancements
  • constant connectivity
  • fluctuating economies
  • family dynamics
  • urbanization
  • mental health
  • stress-related illnesses
  • reporting biases
  • job insecurities
  • anxiety
  • social media pressures
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