The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at he same time, the military service are in need of people. compulsory military service is beneficial and neccessary
Nowadays, one of the widely discussed
issue
is about Change to a plural noun
issues
adolescent's
laziness and ambitionless and Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents'
country's
military, which is in need of force at the moment. Part of society Correct article usage
the country's
believe
that Change the verb form
believes
necessity
of military service can not be denied. Personally, I tend to agree with Correct article usage
the necessity
this
statement, as both sides: government
and young people are able to benefit greatly.
Correct article usage
the government
Firstly
, strict
day routine in Correct article usage
a strict
army
is a great push to gain some useful habits and skills, Add an article
the army
such
as discipline and teamwork for youngsters. By doing ample exhausting exercises in
Change preposition
on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
base
they can strengthen their will and learn how to deal with group issues by communicating with their comrades. Correct your spelling
basis
For instance
, my cousin, who had turned eighteen last
year went to the army
. In fact, he used to have extremely
lazy and sluggish nature. Correct article usage
an extremely
However
, we were surprised when he had come
back refreshed and energised, showing Wrong verb form
came
eager
to partake Replace the word
eagerness
any
social Change preposition
in any
events
, whether it is a party or concert.
Fix the agreement mistake
event
On the other hand
, the government can not be undelighted, if their military force recruits as many people, as possible. The main cause of it
is that Correct pronoun usage
this
powerful
Correct article usage
a powerful
army
represents strength
and independence of each country, which can increase its worldwide influence. As an example, only Correct article usage
the strength
depended
regions are not allowed to have any military sources, thereby, showing their powerlessnessReplace the word
dependent
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
To conclude
, taking every argument into consideration we can say that military force is profitable in
Change preposition
to
that
high degree that not obligating unmotivated young people to participate Correct determiner usage
a
army
would be massive
waste.Add an article
a massive
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task adequately, discussing the necessity and benefits of compulsory military service for both the youth and the government. However, some points could be developed further or more clearly. For instance, explaining more about how a strict routine can build useful skills beyond discipline and teamwork would add depth.
coherence cohesion
While the essay follows a logical structure, there are areas where clearer transitions between points and paragraphs could enhance readability. Using more linking words or phrases to guide the reader would improve the cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score in coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next. Sometimes the ideas feel slightly disjointed, so focus on making clear transitions between paragraphs and within them. This helps maintain a seamless flow of ideas.
general
Avoid minor grammatical inaccuracies and typos, such as "undelighted" instead of "delighted" and minor punctuation issues. These small errors can distract from the overall clarity of your points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your standpoint, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as your cousin's transformation after military service, which supports your points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.