Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Foods and beverages have a lot
pf
Correct your spelling
of
sugar
which cause
disease. In the Change the verb form
causes
supermarket
we can see many Add a comma
supermarket,
merchandises
which contain Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
sugar
, and they look so delicious. To reduce the consumption of these, I think that rising
the Correct your spelling
raising
price
of sweeties is not good.
In my opinion, the price
of foods and beverages should not be controlled, because it causes a
financial damage Remove the article
apply
of
people. Change preposition
to
For example
, if there is a poor family which can not buy enough snacks for their children, it takes
more costly to buy sweet snacks than before. Verb problem
is
Therefore
, controlling the price
effect
the family Correct your spelling
affects
finance
.
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
Moreover
, sugar
lovers can not endure this
. Actually, I love the drink which has high levels of sugar
, and I drink coke
every day. By drinking coke, I can concentrate on my work, and decrease my stress. We don’t want to Capitalize word
Coke
be
suffer from changing the Unnecessary verb
apply
price
.
On the other hand
, taking much
Rephrase
too much
sugar
cause
a fatal disease in some Replace the word
causes
case
. So, we have to care about our body health. I have a friend who has a serious health problem caused by Fix the agreement mistake
cases
sugar
. H can not eat food without injection. When he was young, he always drinks
sweet soda and snacks, so he took Wrong verb form
drank
huge
amount of Add an article
a huge
sugar
in each day. In addition
, he didn’t do exercise, he always enjoy
the video games in his room. Wrong verb form
enjoyed
Finally
, he got a disease which is difficult to be recovered. I think exercise can maintain our body health and reduce the effect of sugar
. Therefore
, we don’t need to control the price
, but we should do exercise.
To sum up
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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task achievement
Ensure that you fully develop your argument with sufficient evidence and examples that are explicitly tied to the main point you are making. This will help in offering a more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more effectively. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates back to the thesis statement. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence between your points; make sure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. Transitional phrases can be a useful tool here.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly outline your stance and mention the key points you will discuss. Similarly, your conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and reinforce your stance.
task achievement
The essay presented a clear stance on the issue of increasing the price of sugary foods and drinks to discourage consumption.
task achievement
Relevant personal examples were included to illustrate the points made, particularly in discussing the impact of sugar on health outcomes.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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