IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand and what measure could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?

3.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
It cannot be denied that human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 cannot survive without
water
Use synonyms
 under the sun.In
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 epoch fullfill the
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 has become
global
Add an article
a global
show examples
 problem in some
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 there are
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of causes behind
this
Linking Words
as well as
Linking Words
 there are some
suggestion
Fix the agreement mistake
suggestions
show examples
 which can prove fruitful
to solve
Change preposition
in solving
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,in
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 era,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people
use
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
unlimited
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 fear
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
 we can get
confront
Wrong verb form
confronted
show examples
 mence of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
water
Use synonyms
.Apart from
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
,there are some crops in
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
 which need to high amount of
water
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 masses
use
Use synonyms
 more
water
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 is going
fall
Fix the infinitive
to fall
show examples
 down
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the earth.
furthermore
Linking Words
,the main problem
take birth
Verb problem
is
show examples
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 are cutting trees because of
this
Linking Words
 there is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of seasonal
rain
Use synonyms
.
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 land
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
 dry.
Body paragraph 2
As every lock has
key
Correct article usage
a key
show examples
similarly
Linking Words
 there are some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue.
firstly
Linking Words
,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should organize
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 to aware masses about
value
Correct article usage
the value
show examples
 of
water
Use synonyms
.Another thing is,people
also
Linking Words
 should grow more plants which
also
Linking Words
 prove
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
rain
Use synonyms
.If there
will
Verb problem
is
show examples
rain
Use synonyms
 and
weather
Correct article usage
the weather
show examples
will
Verb problem
is
show examples
 cold
then
Linking Words
 there will
less
Add a missing verb
be less
show examples
 need
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 alternative sources of
water
Use synonyms
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 we can
also
Linking Words
 save
rain
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
 after
purify
Replace the word
purification
show examples
.
government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
also
Linking Words
 should introduce
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
 which purify
water
Use synonyms
 and make
water
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
 again.
Conclusion
Hammering the final nail,it can be concluded that
although
Linking Words
 fresh
water
Use synonyms
 has become
global
Add an article
a global
show examples
 problem
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue can be solved with
joint
Correct article usage
the joint
show examples
 hands of
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
as well as
Linking Words
 individuals.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, consider using more connectors and transitional phrases to link the ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Support your main points with relevant real-world examples or statistical data to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Work on sentence variety and use more complex sentence structures to improve readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and each idea flows smoothly to the next.
task achievement
The essay addresses multiple causes and potential solutions to the problem of water scarcity, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing the main points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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