Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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With recent
advancement
in Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
technology
, our lives have become increasingly dependent on computers. While
technology
offers numerous benefits, it also
raises significant concern
. I believe that the safe exchange of Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
information
through digital platforms is susceptible to misuse or failure, which can lead to serious consequences.
First of all, despite the best effort
of engineers, computer Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
systems
occasionally mulfunction
, leading to operational failures in Correct your spelling
malfunction
variety
of areas. Add an article
a variety
For instance
, A few months ago, Microsoft Office experienced a critical bug in an updated version causing widespread disruptions. Flights were canceled
, hospital records were inaccessible, and even the traffic light ceased functioning. Change the spelling
cancelled
Such
incident highlights the vulnerability of our systems
to technological failure.
Moreover
, private information
on digital platforms is constantly at the
risk of being exposed or misused. A notable example is the data breach involving Facebook, which raised significant concerns among U.S. citizens about the exposure of their personal Correct article usage
apply
information
. Consequently
, Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, faced a trial, issued an apology, and paid substantial
penalty. Correct article usage
a substantial
This
case underscore
the potential dangers associated with inadequate data protection.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
underscores
while
technology
revolutionized our health, transport and communication systems
, it also
introduces risks related to the secure exchange of information
.
As far as technology
is concerned, the consistent safe exchange of information
necessitates reliable and secure systems
to avoid hindrance of essential services.Submitted by razmimhy on
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task achievement
Try to better support your main points with diverse examples and elaborate on them further to enhance the strength of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the accuracy of language usage, especially in terms of grammar and spelling, as there are a few minor errors like 'mulfunction' instead of 'malfunction' which could slightly distract the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, allowing for a coherent structure.
task achievement
You have clearly identified the risks associated with reliance on computer technology and provided relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
You maintain a good logical flow throughout the essay, making it easy to follow your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.