IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economies around the world. However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and the environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Tourism
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 can easily be set up in any
sites
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site
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 around the world, and
this
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 leads to the thriving of the
tourism
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industry
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; the fastest growth brings about a great deal to economies around the world. Yet, the consequences left behind to local cultures and environment are barely
concern
Correct article usage
a concern
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. Personally, the claim about
this
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 topic is agreeable as the damage is seen. There are reasons to be elaborated as follows.
Initially
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, since the
tourism
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industry
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 relies on natural resources available in the
area
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, the business can be run as soon as the venue is open to the public.
This
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 results in most developments occurring in the site of
tourism
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 where money flows
more
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and more
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 and more jobs are created.
For example
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, in Nakhonnayok province - a little town close to Bangkok - are there many waterfalls and streams as it is part of Kao Yai National Park. Once the park was open to the public, tourists from the neighbouring cities
as well as
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 far from every part of Thailand have been coming to enjoy nature, resulting in the rapid growth of the town and its economy in which more local people are employed for the service
industry
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.
Nonetheless
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, the impact of
tourism
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 on ways of life in the town is
left
Verb problem
apply
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yet hardly solved. The natural resources have been exploited, and only time can help heal. Certainly, the cost of fixing is always higher than what has been invested in creating;
therefore
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, the local traditions and ways of the local life start to fade away or
become
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apply
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deteriorated
Wrong verb form
deteriorate
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.
Moreover
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, the environmental impact can be immense; some resources are irreversible.
For instance
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, the path built for visitors to access the waterfall in the national park needs
the
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apply
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forest clearing. Many rare trees could become extinct, or some animal species could receive the effect as their habitat is disturbed. In conclusion,
tourism
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 brings in more income to people in the
area
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 where there are tourists. It is good for those in the
area
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 to see the growth and development, levelling up the life standard in the
area
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.
However
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, the damage caused by the
tourism
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 business cannot be overlooked as the impact could be unpredictably expected.
This
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 means that the government should take
an
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apply
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action to prevent any risks that may occur in the future, and in the meantime, the pressing issue of the
tourism
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industry
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 should be urgently solved.

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task response
Your essay does a good job of addressing the main points of the prompt. However, some of your ideas could be further developed to provide a more comprehensive response. For example, you might discuss specific policies that could mitigate the negative effects of tourism.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically. Your ideas are clear, but better transitions between paragraphs and more cohesive devices can improve the flow. For example, you could use phrases like 'on the other hand,' 'furthermore,' and 'in addition' to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your essay and make your arguments easier to follow. The introduction succinctly sets up your main argument that tourism, while economically beneficial, has significant drawbacks.
task response
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples that support your main points, such as the example of Nakhonnayok province. This helps to ground your arguments in real-world contexts, making them more compelling.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural dilution
  • Environmental degradation
  • Responsible tourism
  • Ecotourism
  • Cultural conservation
  • Habitat destruction
  • Sustainable practices
  • Cultural exchange
  • Commercialization of cultural sites
  • Cultural heritage
  • Local ecosystems
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