IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of palnts and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #palnts #animals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a debate between what is the main
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 problem of our time. Some people refer to the
loss
Use synonyms
 of biodiversity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
scientifics
Correct your spelling
scientists
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
 that are other more impactful
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
problems
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, there are other
problems
Use synonyms
 more important
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 the
loss
Use synonyms
 of diversity in the flora and fauna. The
loss
Use synonyms
 of diversity in the animal kingdom and plants is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 problem. That diversity supports the natural
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 where we established our food chain.
For example
Linking Words
, the
loss
Use synonyms
 of the bees will be catastrophic.
That bees
Correct determiner usage
Bees
show examples
supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
show examples
 the
polinization
Correct your spelling
politicization
polarization
colonization
 of a huge amount of plants, including the vegetables and crops that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans consume. The
loss
Use synonyms
 of that biodiversity will affect deeply our economy and our way of life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
gave
Wrong verb form
has given
show examples
 us
another challenges
Replace the adjective
another challenge
other challenges
show examples
 that will impact
more
Correct pronoun usage
us more
show examples
 deeply in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human being. One classical example of
that is
Linking Words
 the continuous rising of the water level in the oceans. That will hit with
unmesurable
Correct your spelling
unmeasurable
 force the coastal zones around the world, making most of our waterfront communities
unabitables
Correct your spelling
inhabitable
as a result
Linking Words
 of the inundations. That will
resoult
Correct your spelling
result
 in millions of
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
displaced
Add a missing verb
being displaced
show examples
 from their homeland, destroying the
societary
Correct word choice
social
show examples
 bonds and the economy of a lot of regions in most of the countries. In conclusion, the
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of biodiversity is an important problem, but, in my opinion, there are
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 more pressing
problems
Use synonyms
, and we should focus our attention
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
inmediate
Correct your spelling
immediate
problems
Use synonyms
 that will cause
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
increasing distress in the world
populaton
Correct your spelling
population
.
Submitted by pabloenriquevicente on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on grammar and spelling to reduce small errors. For example, 'scientifics' should be 'scientists,' 'unhabitables' should be 'uninhabitable,' etc.
development
Expand the explanation in some of the paragraphs to add more depth to your argument. For instance, provide additional specifics on how losing species affects ecosystems beyond bees.
cohesion
Try to link your paragraphs with more transition words or phrases, such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition,' to improve flow.
structure
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining a clear structure.
examples
You offered relevant examples, such as the impact of losing bees and rising water levels, to support your points.
task
You provided a balanced discussion by presenting both viewpoints before providing your own opinion, which is good for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: