Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?

There is a split opinion regarding how
children
should spend their
time
. Some believe that
children
significantly need to use their
time
throughout school studies to enhance their
education
process,
whereas
another group of thinkers support that kids should use
time
more on playing rather than studying.
However
, both have pros and cons.
Therefore
, before commenting on my decision, both opinions would be discussed. Examining the
farmers
Change to a genitive case
farmer's
farmers'
show examples
opinion,
children
’s
education
is a crucial path for their future. To elaborate more, spending
time
on something useful
such
as learning develops a
child
's knowledge and cognitive thinking.
For example
, there are summer schools that present entertainment curriculums which help students
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
promote their mental skills and prepare them for the next level at school.
As a result
,
children
become with
Verb problem
need
show examples
more knowledge and
education
experience to be successful
learning
Change preposition
in learning
show examples
compared with his/ her peers.
In addition
, they
also
believe that a very early age plays a dramatic role in
child
development and the experience a
child
gathering through
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
will influence positively on
enter
Change the verb form
entering
show examples
life.
On the contrary
, the latter view suggests that playing is an essential part of young
children
. They need to build their social environment by playing with others. To explain, the idea of sharing and playing with another
child
establishes a sense of communication and challenge between each other. So. They will ameliorate the individual’s personality and they will have a strong independent person in future who can avoid any problems.
Besides
this
, spending more
time
playing reduces a
child
’s super-activity; some kids have energy and power inside them ,so they need to decrease it by playing to not hurt themself. In conclusion, spending
time
studying articles and books will develop cognitive knowledge
as well as
prepare
children
for the next level at school ,
while
employing
time
for playing establishes a good personality
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
child
in the future. In my perspective, parents should balance
time
with their
children
to present an excellent
education
and entertaining childhood via using the
time
to develop
children
’s abilities in all aspects of scientific and practical life.
Submitted by sheikha1996mohammed on

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task achievement
The essay provides a reasonably balanced discussion of both views, but it could benefit from a clearer stance on which side the author supports. Expanding on personal opinion and rationale will strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay successfully presents an introduction and conclusion, which bookend the discussion well. However, some paragraphs could be better structured with clear topic sentences and smoother transitions for enhanced readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion that guide the reader through the discussion, ensuring the ideas are framed well.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as mentioning summer schools, serve to provide some context and support for the arguments presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Intellectual growth
  • Structured learning environment
  • Discipline
  • Focus
  • Social skills
  • Emotional regulation
  • Conflict resolution
  • Creativity
  • Imagination
  • Holistic development
  • Play-based learning
  • Burnout
  • Holistic approach
  • Specialized subjects
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