Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?
There is a split opinion regarding how
children
should spend their time
. Some believe that children
significantly need to use their time
throughout school studies to enhance their education
process, whereas
another group of thinkers support that kids should use time
more on playing rather than studying. However
, both have pros and cons. Therefore
, before commenting on my decision, both opinions would be discussed.
Examining the farmers
opinion, Change to a genitive case
farmer's
farmers'
children
’s education
is a crucial path for their future. To elaborate more, spending time
on something useful such
as learning develops a child
's knowledge and cognitive thinking. For example
, there are summer schools that present entertainment curriculums which help students to
promote their mental skills and prepare them for the next level at school. Verb problem
apply
As a result
, children
become with
more knowledge and Verb problem
need
education
experience to be successful learning
compared with his/ her peers. Change preposition
in learning
In addition
, they also
believe that a very early age plays a dramatic role in child
development and the experience a child
gathering through study
will influence positively on Add an article
the study
enter
life.
Change the verb form
entering
On the contrary
, the latter view suggests that playing is an essential part of young children
. They need to build their social environment by playing with others. To explain, the idea of sharing and playing with another child
establishes a sense of communication and challenge between each other. So. They will ameliorate the individual’s personality and they will have a strong independent person in future who can avoid any problems. Besides
this
, spending more time
playing reduces a child
’s super-activity; some kids have energy and power inside them ,so they need to decrease it by playing to not hurt themself.
In conclusion, spending time
studying articles and books will develop cognitive knowledge as well as
prepare children
for the next level at school , while
employing time
for playing establishes a good personality of
the Change preposition
for
child
in the future. In my perspective, parents should balance time
with their children
to present an excellent education
and entertaining childhood via using the time
to develop children
’s abilities in all aspects of scientific and practical life.Submitted by sheikha1996mohammed on
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task achievement
The essay provides a reasonably balanced discussion of both views, but it could benefit from a clearer stance on which side the author supports. Expanding on personal opinion and rationale will strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay successfully presents an introduction and conclusion, which bookend the discussion well. However, some paragraphs could be better structured with clear topic sentences and smoother transitions for enhanced readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion that guide the reader through the discussion, ensuring the ideas are framed well.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as mentioning summer schools, serve to provide some context and support for the arguments presented.
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