Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to the society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. 🔸Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.
Some
people
believe that individuals who earn a lot of money
are the most succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
while
others say that the ones
who contribute to the
Correct article usage
apply
society
are the most successful ones
.
From my personal stand point
, the professionals who contribute to Correct your spelling
standpoint
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
in diverse ways are the most successful.
In the essay
we will Add a comma
essay,
discourse
why the Verb problem
discuss
ones
who earn lots of money
are less successful, while
in
the Change preposition
on
ohter
hand, the Correct your spelling
other
ones
who contribute the theire
Correct your spelling
their
theatre
society
are more powerfull
.
Correct your spelling
powerful
People
how
Correct word choice
who
earns
a lot of Change the verb form
earn
money
can be seen as favourable outcomers
, but Correct your spelling
outcomes
outcome
this
is not allways
true. Correct your spelling
always
this
is due to
the varity
of ways that Correct your spelling
variety
this
Correct determiner usage
these
entrepenurs
can make Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
entrepreneur
theire
Correct your spelling
their
money
, in
could be by Correct your spelling
it
work
hard in a company, starting Wrong verb form
working
theire
own company, or maybe in a more Correct your spelling
their
ilegal
way. Correct your spelling
illegal
legal
For example
, this
year a lot o
Change preposition
of
powerfull
Correct your spelling
powerful
people
was
arrested for selling drugs to kids and Correct subject-verb agreement
were
prostitucion
. Correct your spelling
prostitution
That is
why we can not count them as empire heroes.
On the other
hand
the Add a comma
hand,
ones
who contribute to their society
, such
as teachers, doctors, scientists... can be considered the real
important Replace the word
really
ones
, this
is beacuse
not only Correct your spelling
because
the were
most of Verb problem
are
theire
Correct your spelling
their
live
Replace the word
lives
studiyng
, but Correct your spelling
studying
the
Correct your spelling
they
also
develop an important place in our society
. For example
, a few days ago, a group of doctors were able to create a way to treat people
with some important deseasses
in their brain, like depression.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
diseases
people
who offers
a service to Change the verb form
offer
theire sociaty
are more successful than the Correct your spelling
their society
ones
who only make money
.Submitted by pabloenriquevicente on
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vocabulary
Be cautious of repetition and try to vary your vocabulary. For example, instead of repeating 'successful' and 'contribute to society,' find synonyms or rephrase.
language
Check your work for grammar and spelling errors. These can affect the clarity of your essay.
content development
Add more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing how people contribute to society or earn money. Personal anecdotes or real-world examples can strengthen your argument.
task fulfillment
Ensure that all parts of the assignment prompt are addressed equally and thoroughly. Make sure to balance the discussion between both views presented in the essay prompt.
structure
You provided a clear conclusion that summarizes your standpoint effectively, which ties the essay together nicely.
organization
The essay presents a clear division between the two viewpoints, making it easier for the reader to follow the discussion.
content development
You offered relevant examples, such as the group of doctors developing treatments for brain diseases, which adds depth to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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