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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows how many students of a school in UK chose to take part in four different sports between 2001 and 2011. Summarise information by selecting and reporting the main features, comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows how many students of a school in UK chose to take part in four different sports between 2001 and 2011. Summarise information by selecting and reporting the main features, comparisons where relevant.
#students #school #uk #part #four #sports #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line chart
ilustrates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the number of participating
students
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
chose
Correct pronoun usage
who chose
show examples
 to take part in several types of sports during a ten-year period from 2001 to 2011.
Overall
, it can be seen that there were four different types of sports including running,
basketball
, swimming and football. Football accounted for the highest participation in all over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 shown.
Whereas
,
basketball
 became the lowest number of
players
 at the
and
Correct your spelling
end
show examples
 of
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
. Football
players
 had a small
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 from roughly 60
students
 in 2001 to
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 below 70 participants in 2011.
By contrast
, running rose considerably by around 20
students
 in 2001 to about 60 in 2011 or increased almost threefold over ten
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 running attracted many
players
 in the first five-year which was from only about 20
students
 in 2001 to
approimately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 50
students
 in 2005 and 2006.
This
 condition
then
 fell back to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar position with the initial year in 2011. In 2001,
basketball
 became the second largest of
players
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
. More than 50
students
 contributed
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 sport. By 2006,
basketball
 reached a peak
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 slightly over
than
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
60
participation
Replace the word
participants
show examples
 before
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
significanty
Correct your spelling
significantly
 to only 20 in 2008. During three years after 2008, there was no
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rise or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fall
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 kind of
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
.
Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, basketball, players with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rate
  • trend
  • increase/decrease
  • year-on-year comparison
  • peak
  • lowest point
  • gender distribution
  • new entrants
  • drop in participation
  • continuation/discontinuation
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