Subject: Music is an indispensable part of our lives. Many people think that music aids in bringing people and nations close because of the similarities they share in cultures and traditions.

Music
is an indispensable part of our lives. Many people think that
music
aids in bringing people and
nations
close because of the similarities they
share
in cultures and traditions. I concur with the view that
music
’s significance is prevalent among
nations
and individuals because many
nations
share
predominant historical backgrounds and juveniles have similar tastes in
music
.
To begin
with, the role of
music
is regarded as fundamental in developing love and regard among
nations
. Many
nations
across the globe
share
common historical backgrounds
such
as India and Pakistan. So, their cultures and traditions are not distinct from each other and
hence
,
share
common interests and allow others to participate in others’
music
. For illustration, a recent popular Pakistani song, Blockbuster, became popular in India, as the
most played
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most-played
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song of 2024. So, having a common background and
same
Correct article usage
the same
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language brings people of
nations
together.
On the other hand
, musical taste among adolescents is popular when it comes to musical genres, especially rock. Juveniles seem to fascinate and are prone to develop friendships with
the
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apply
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students of common taste because they ponder that they
share
a common mindset.
For example
, renowned American musician and singer Justin Beiber
,
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is widely popular among
the
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youngsters. Young minds especially students feel ecstatic
while
exchanging his albums.
Consequently
,
this
develops harmony and affection for each other.
To conclude
,
music
helps in augmenting
the
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relationships by bringing the populace
on
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into
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a common interest. Masses love promoting each other's
music
while
some amalgamate different musical genres to develop closeness and correlate distinct
nations
.
Furthermore
,
this
improves the relations of
country’s
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countries
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across
the
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borders and ameliorates loathe because it fosters peace and happiness. \
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clarity
While the essay is well-structured, there are some sentences which could benefit from improved clarity and conciseness. Try to simplify sentences for better readability.
support
Although the arguments provided are strong, expanding a bit more on each point, perhaps with additional examples, could further reinforce your position.
language
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Proofreading your essay can help catch these.
structure
A clear introduction and conclusion effectively framed the essay.
task response
The essay presents a relevant and complete response to the prompt, addressing the connection between music, culture, and international relationships.
examples
Specific and relevant examples were used, like the popularity of a Pakistani song in India, which strengthened your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indispensable
  • transcend
  • cultural exchange
  • universal language
  • global collaborations
  • music festivals
  • diplomatic relations
  • emotional effects
  • rituals
  • celebrations
  • traditions
  • psychological impact
  • unity
  • linguistic barriers
  • fostering friendships
  • similarities
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