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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time
The pie charts illustrate
amounts
Correct article usage
the amounts
show examples
 of
electricity
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 generated by fuel source in Australia and France in the years 1980 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that all
units
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 had experienced declines and
roses
Use the right word
rises
show examples
 in
twenty
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
year
Use the right word
twenty-year
show examples
 period. In Australia, coal was the dominant fuel source for
electricity
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 in both 1980 and 2000, with a substantial increase from 50
units
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 in 1980 to 130
units
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 in 2000. Notably, oil and hydro power saw a decrease in their contributions to
electricity
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production
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,
while
Linking Words
 natural gas remained relatively stable at 20
units
Use synonyms
 in both years. The
overall
Linking Words
electricity
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 in
Australiaalso
Correct your spelling
Australia also
 experienced a notable increase, from 100
units
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 in 1980 to 170
units
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 in 2000. Contrastingly, in France, nuclear
poweremerged
Correct your spelling
power emerged
 as the primary fuel source for
electricity
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production
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 in 2000, accounting for a significant portion of the total
production
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 with 126
units
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 was a marked shift from 1980, where coal had a higher contribution to
electricityproduction
Correct your spelling
electricity production
 with 25
units
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, natural gas saw a notable increase from 5
units
Use synonyms
 in 1980 to 25
units
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the contribution of coal drastically decreased to only 5
units
Use synonyms
 in 2000. The
overall
Linking Words
electricity
Use synonyms
productionin
Correct your spelling
production in
 France doubled from 90
units
Use synonyms
 in 1980 to 180
units
Use synonyms
 in 2000, reflecting a substantial growth in the energy sector.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, units, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "substantial" was used 2 times.
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