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Band 4

Some people believe that it is best to accept a abad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #abad #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
In unpleasant
conditions
Add a comma
conditions,
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 a few people perceive that accepting the
situation
 is for the best. Even so, others think that
giving
Verb problem
making
show examples
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
 to improve those circumstances is the better way of handling it.
Likewise
, I personally believe that trying to fix it is the best option. On the one hand, accepting
situation
Correct article usage
the situation
show examples
 appears as the better choice as there is a lack of guarantee for a better
situation
. As an example, people with jobs that are unsatisfactory still stick to them because they perceive that there are no better situations. On top of that, being in a bad
situation
 results in
unwell
Add an article
the unwell
an unwell
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 emotional state leading to
reluctancy
Correct your spelling
reluctance
show examples
of putting
Change preposition
to put
show examples
 out
effort
.
On the other hand
, to consider that the
situation
 could not get worse becomes the motivation for those who
puts
Change the verb form
put
show examples
effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 improving the
situation
.
Although
 no guarantee is presented, trying would still give out results that may be similar or possibly better.
For instance
, handling the lack of money
situation
 by applying for jobs could land them an additional job but being declined from it would not worsen their
situation
.
Thus
,
this
 becomes the better action for taking care of the
situation
. In conclusion, bad situations are just embraced by some as there is no guarantee that the
situation
 could get better
whereas
 others put
effort
to improve
Change preposition
into improving
show examples
 that
situation
 as there is no harm in trying to improve the
situation
, it does not worsen but has the possibility to better it
instead
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the essay further, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and concise supporting details. This will make your ideas easier to follow for the reader.
Task Achievement
Consider using a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate your language proficiency more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your essay.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your own opinion, which fulfills the essay prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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