It is important for everyone, including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you a agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future #agree

Nowdays

Correct the word

Nowadays

show examples

,many people believe that it's crucial to save a part of capital for the next years. I totally agree with

this

thought, because they can use them to pay

some

Change preposition

for some

show examples

courses

to improve their careers,

moreover

, when, in the future, will have to solve some

unespected

Correct your spelling

unexpected

costs, they can fix them without problems. People, who want to add new skills for their jobs, or some students. who are going to

attend

Verb problem

obtain

show examples

expensive degrees to

became

Change the form of the verb

become

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

professional figures who

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

expire, must pay a lot of

money

to join

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the special

courses

. Saving

money

, let them buy these specialization study programs though the cost is very high.

Furthermore

, they can have cheaper alternatives but they are forced for

this

choice.

For example

, I have two friends who cook in different

restaurant

Fix the agreement mistake

restaurants

show examples

, the first is a chef of a restaurant that

are

Change the verb form

show examples

advised by

Correct article usage

a michelin

show examples

michelin

Change the capitalization

Michelin

show examples

guide,

while

, the

second,

work

Correct subject-verb agreement

works

show examples

in a simple sea restaurant.The differences

about

Change preposition

show examples

status are caused by the different cooking

courses

that they

attend

Wrong verb form

attended

show examples

previously, the first was rich, so he could choose the expensive one,

while

the second was obliged to attend the

cheaper

Correct pronoun usage

cheaper one

show examples

. In our

lives

Add a comma

lives,

show examples

we must fight

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

some problems that require a lot of

money

to solve

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

due to

home, car,

own

Correct word choice

and own

show examples

health. Repairing

home

Correct article usage

a home

show examples

device, that the previous day

work

Fix the agreement mistake

works

show examples

but

tommorow

Correct your spelling

tomorrow

not and is essential to help

making

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

homelife

Correct your spelling

home life

show examples

easier, can cost too much.

Moreover

when we

are visited

Wrong verb form

visit

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a hospital for

Remove the article

apply

show examples

general control and the doctor thanks some specific analysis

diagnosticated

Verb problem

diagnoses

show examples

a dangerous disease, we must have some

money

to pay

Change preposition

for cares

show examples

cares

Fix the agreement mistake

care

show examples

. Recent statistical

reaserch

Correct your spelling

research

found that almost 60% of people who have

Change the article

apply

show examples

cancer can't pay

medical

Change preposition

for medical

show examples

treatments. In conclusion, everybody must save something in

bank

Add an article

the bank

a bank

show examples

because thanks

Change preposition

to these

show examples

these

Change the determiner

this money

show examples

money

they can choose the best

courses

to obtain their

dreamjobs

Correct your spelling

dream jobs

and to fix some unpredictable issues, so I

advice

Replace the word

advise

show examples

to invest

Change the verb form

investing

show examples

to have a big credit to use.

Submitted by matteosolito03 on Wed Sep 04 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

The introduction could be clearer, starting with a broad statement and then narrowing down the focus. This will provide a smoother lead-in to your main points.

task achievement

Some grammatical and spelling errors are present. Proofread your essay more carefully to avoid mistakes such as 'tommorow' which should be 'tomorrow' and 'reaserch' which should be 'research'.

task achievement

Examples should be concise and directly related to the argument. The story about the chefs could be more precise, highlighting how saving allowed for better opportunities.

task achievement

The essay addresses the topic directly and provides clear points supporting the argument.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both present and reasonably effective.

supported main points

The essay includes specific examples to support the main points, which strengthens the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

324 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

5.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

5.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is important for everyone, including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you a agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

There are debates about importantness of history in providing information abou

Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?h

Some people think that children should be home schooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Which do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.