It is important for everyone, including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you a agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowdays
,many people believe that it's crucial to save a part of capital for the next years. I totally agree with Correct the word
Nowadays
this
thought, because they can use them to pay some
Change preposition
for some
courses
to improve their careers, moreover
, when, in the future, will have to solve some unespected
costs, they can fix them without problems.
People, who want to add new skills for their jobs, or some students. who are going to Correct your spelling
unexpected
attend
expensive degrees to Verb problem
obtain
became
Change the form of the verb
become
the
professional figures who Correct article usage
apply
they
expire, must pay a lot of Correct pronoun usage
apply
money
to join in
the special Change preposition
apply
courses
. Saving money
, let them buy these specialization study programs though the cost is very high. Furthermore
, they can have cheaper alternatives but they are forced for this
choice. For example
, I have two friends who cook in different restaurant
, the first is a chef of a restaurant that Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
are
advised by Change the verb form
is
Correct article usage
a michelin
michelin
guide, Change the capitalization
Michelin
while
, the second,
work
in a simple sea restaurant.The differences Correct subject-verb agreement
works
about
status are caused by the different cooking Change preposition
in
courses
that they attend
previously, the first was rich, so he could choose the expensive one, Wrong verb form
attended
while
the second was obliged to attend the cheaper
.
In our Correct pronoun usage
cheaper one
lives
we must fight Add a comma
lives,
with
some problems that require a lot of Change preposition
apply
money
to solve them
, Correct pronoun usage
apply
due to
home, car, own
health. Repairing Correct word choice
and own
home
device, that the previous day Correct article usage
a home
work
but Fix the agreement mistake
works
tommorow
not and is essential to help Correct your spelling
tomorrow
making
Wrong verb form
make
homelife
easier, can cost too much. Correct your spelling
home life
Moreover
when we are visited
Wrong verb form
visit
in
a hospital for Change preposition
apply
a
general control and the doctor thanks some specific analysis Remove the article
apply
diagnosticated
a dangerous disease, we must have some Verb problem
diagnoses
money
to pay Change preposition
for cares
cares
. Recent statistical Fix the agreement mistake
care
reaserch
found that almost 60% of people who have Correct your spelling
research
a
cancer can't pay Change the article
apply
medical
treatments.
In conclusion, everybody must save something in Change preposition
for medical
bank
because thanks Add an article
the bank
a bank
Change preposition
to these
these
Change the determiner
this money
money
they can choose the best courses
to obtain their dreamjobs
and to fix some unpredictable issues, so I Correct your spelling
dream jobs
advice
Replace the word
advise
to invest
to have a big credit to use.Change the verb form
investing
Submitted by matteosolito03 on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be clearer, starting with a broad statement and then narrowing down the focus. This will provide a smoother lead-in to your main points.
task achievement
Some grammatical and spelling errors are present. Proofread your essay more carefully to avoid mistakes such as 'tommorow' which should be 'tomorrow' and 'reaserch' which should be 'research'.
task achievement
Examples should be concise and directly related to the argument. The story about the chefs could be more precise, highlighting how saving allowed for better opportunities.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic directly and provides clear points supporting the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and reasonably effective.
supported main points
The essay includes specific examples to support the main points, which strengthens the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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