*Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others believe that there are better ways to show that we care about them.* *Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Giving
gifts
and presents are the representatives of our care
and love to friends and family. However
, some people
believe that there are other things that we can do in order to show our concern about them. This
essay will discuss both ideas with detailed reasons and why I agree that other ways are fundamental .
To begin
with, it is widely accepted that buying gifts
and presents are indicate
Wrong verb form
indicates
care
of someone. Correct article usage
the care
This
is a common culture that plays a significant role in the
birthdays, rituals,and some crucial events. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, in
Change preposition
on
the
birthdays, Correct article usage
apply
people
often buy presents to inform about
their Correct pronoun usage
them about
kindhearted
. Replace the word
kindheartedness
Moreover
, in some religions such
as Yom Kippur in the
Judaism or Ashura in Islam, Correct article usage
apply
people
are giving
Wrong verb form
give
gifts
to each other to celebrate it. These are proper illustrations of importance
of buying Add an article
the importance
gifts
and presents to connect people
in society.
On the other hand
, there are other ways to prove our care
about someone. Communicating sincerely and trying to understand their problems could be an effective way to proclaim our emotions. This
is vitality significant because we as humans need someone in our bad time
rather than good times. Not only Fix the agreement mistake
times
acknowledged
Wrong verb form
acknowledging
about
their strugglesChange preposition
apply
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
helping them to overcome their issues could be an enthusiastic way that may have a permanent effect on them. For instance
, my uncle helped me to learn English at a very young age, which has had a profound impact on my career. Therefore
, personally, I would agree that other ways are more essential than just buying gifts
to reveal our care
to people
.
To sum up
, buying gifts
and presents are integral part of global culture to depict our care
and love. However
, assist
individuals Wrong verb form
assisting
in
their obstacles Change preposition
with
are
more valuable Correct subject-verb agreement
is
to demonstrate
our Change preposition
than demonstrating
care
.Submitted by Yasar Khan on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure that every paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Try using more transition phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'In addition.' This will improve the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you've clearly stated your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. Try to elaborate more on how different actions (other than giving gifts) show care and provide additional examples.
task achievement
You've successfully discussed both views and provided a clear opinion, which fulfills the task requirement well.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as religious practices and personal anecdotes, strengthens your points and makes your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your argument and providing a sense of completeness.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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