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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #participants #olympics #summarise #features #comparisons
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The provided infographics show the total number of
participants
Use synonyms
 and
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
detailed
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 for each
genders
Change to a singular noun
gender
show examples
 that joined
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
show examples
 between 1924 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total
Use synonyms
athletes
Correct quantifier usage
number of athletes
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
always increased over that time;
however
Linking Words
, it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gradual
Change the word
gradually
show examples
risen
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 in the first forty years
then
Linking Words
 it rose significantly
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2012. Women
athletes
Use synonyms
 grew from just upper zero to almost 5000
participants
Use synonyms
 over the year,
while
Linking Words
 men only doubled their total to roughly 6000
athletes
Use synonyms
. In 1924,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 were only a minority, when the
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 already had exactly 3000
participants
Use synonyms
. Even though, until the third
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1924, the number of female
athletes
Use synonyms
 still did not reach
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the total of male
athletes
Use synonyms
. Male
participants
Use synonyms
 were constantly
grew
Wrong verb form
grown
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 every Olympics. On top of that, in Olympic 2012 the percentages between men and women
athletes
Use synonyms
 were so close to each other. The total of
participants
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2012
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 approximately 11000
participants
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rasyidrahma13 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, athletes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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